29 July 2005

I went to my usual physio session at Epworth this morning. I almost forgot to take the bag of ‘goodies’ from Brunetti with me. Just as well I put it on the top of my handbag so it’s harder to forget that way. I learnt this from my colleagues at the ATO. When I first started working there, I notice that people usually do their grocery shopping at lunch time and leave their grocery in the fridge. I didn’t do that for a while because I was always worried that I might forget to take them home. Someone told me that if you leave your car key with your grocery then you won’t forget because when you go to the car you will realise that your car key is with your grocery.

The taxi driver really knows the short cut to get there so I got to Epworth earlier than I expected. Gavin wasn’t there so when I saw Tracy I gave her the bag of goodies and told her that’s for her and Gavin since she’s always helping me with my exercises when Gavin is with another patient. When I turned around, I saw Gavin coming in and I told him that I just handed Tracy with a bag of sweets for both of them. He set up a mirror for me to start with my walking practice. He said he wanted me to do my usual warm up and then he wants to do some tests on me. I asked him what sort of tests and he told me it’s been a while since he timed me on my walking and he wants to do that every 3 months or so. He asked me if I want to be on TV. Apparently they are making an ad and needs some physio patients. I declined.

The room was getting a bit crowded because it’s almost 11 a.m. and the porters have parked a few patients in wheelchairs in the same room. When I was doing my dorsiflexion exercises against the wall, I noticed that the guy who was treated by Gavin was sitting in a wheelchair. He must just have finished his session and waiting to be collected by a porter. I noticed that he had some kind of bandage around his head and a neck brace. He looked a little bit more alert than Wednesday. I was concentrating on my exercises but couldn’t help noticing that he was making this noise from his nose. I don’t know if he wanted to blow his nose or what but the next minute I noticed he lifted up his right hand and was trying to touch his nose. I don’t think he is hemiplegic because although his hand was very wobbly, he was able to move it. I really wish I didn’t look at what he’s doing at all because what happened next was really disgusting. He picked his nose and scooped this big lump of ‘thingo’ out. It’s about the size of a pea. He didn’t have any tissue so he just let it ‘sit’ on the tip of his index finger. I didn’t know whether to ask for help for him or not but in the end I thought I should just mind my own business because I might embarrass him. If I were in that situation I think the last thing I want is knowing someone actually saw what I just did. The porter finally came to pick him up and gave him some tissue so the crisis was over.

Gary came in with his electric wheelchair when I was still doing my dorsiflexion exercises against the wall. I was hoping that I don’t have to face him so I don’t have to talk to him. Unfortunately, the other room was a bit crowded so he parked in front of me. I only said hello to him just to be polite but being a chatter box he just had to ask how my exercise was going. I rather endure the uncomfortable silence than to start on a contrived conversation. Fortunately, Gavin came back and told him he’d tape my foot. He said he can’t do the test today because some workmen have blocked the front door and it’s better to do the test next time. He asked me again if I want to be on TV. He asked around if people have been on TV before. I didn’t want to tell him that actually I have been on TV before. This was a few years ago when I was actively involved in the Taiwanese Chamber of Commerce. I had to do an interview in Mandarin on someone and it was brocasted on channel 32 community television. Most people probably don’t even know about this channel. I didn’t feel like telling him about it because it’s a bit like a character from ‘Lost’ (a drama series on Channel 7) said to the people who survived the crash on the island that everyone gets a new start on this island and nobody needs to worry about their past. There is no need for me to tell people what I used to do because all it matters now is how do I get better. I’m glad that Gavin is not the sort of person who remembers all the details and nosy aboout everything because on the MECRS discharge report it mentioned something about modelling. I don’t know where they got that information from because I haven’t done any modelling since my university days and I was a bit sick and tired having to explain to people who pick up on this in the report.

I think Gary is just very bad news for me because Gavin had to go with him across the road to the hospital. Gavin told Tracy to get me practising walking up and down the stairs while he is away. We did a few laps of the stairs and then the trampoline. She then set up the boxes in the walking rails for me to practise jumping. I don’t know if she ever get bored because she always stands there watching me when she’s been instructed by Gavin to help me with my practice. I got a little bit bored after I don’t know how many jumps. She said I could sit down and have a rest if I wanted to so
I did. Gavin and Gary came back just when I sat down. Gavin looked at me and asked me ‘what are you doing?’ I told him I’m just having a rest. He looked at Tracy and asked her ‘What’s going on? Why aren’t you cracking the whip?’ Gary jumped in and said ‘it must be a female thing. Just sitting around and chat.’ I felt like saying to him that he is the biggest chatterbox I’ve seen.

I went back to the jumping practice when I had enough rest. Gavin came out from the staff room holding the goodies from Brunetti and said he just realised where Brunetti is about a month ago when another patient brought in something from there. He said he didn’t know where Brunetti was and people laughed at him. Gary asked him if he’s been to Florentino before. I can’t remember what he said but Gary was just going on and on about how expensive that place is. He also mentioned Lynch’s – another expensive restaurant. I felt like telling him those places are not fashionable anymore. I think they were very popular in the 90’s but have gone downhill a bit since. It brought back a lot of memory. When I was working in chartered accounting firms, these were the sort of restaurants we took our clients to and that’s something I don’t miss. The reason I got out of chartered accounting and financial planning is because I’m sick and tired being materialistic. I don’t want to be inspired by designer label clothes, prestigious cars and facy restaurants anymore and I found my colleagues at the tax office have much simpler life and are much happier.

In the afternoon, I went to Barcly Squares to do my weekly grocery shopping. When i went to the green grocers, someone looked at my foot (with ankle brace on) and asked me what happened to me. I told him I had a bit of accident thinking he'll just let me go but he asked me what kind of accident, road accident or push bike. I was a bit annoyed and told him it's neither. I told him it was a skiing accident. I can't believe he actually asked me whether it's water skiing or snow skiing. I told him it was snow skiing. This is the first time I was able to lie to someone about what happened to me. I don't know whether he remembered seeing me limping before the snow season started because I have been shopping there for a few months.

28 July 2005

I had personal training with Mary this morning. Today we mainly worked on the arms. I told her that I prefer not to work on my arms on Tuesdays because I work mainly on the arms when I go to my self help group hydro and I think it’s a bit too much for the arms if I work on them again in personal training.

I told her that I think my session with her on Tuesday was good because my leg was quite sore aftwards and it’s good kind of soreness. She thought that’s a good sign. She said she’ll try something different with my arm today. I told her that my orthopaedic said my shoulder is doing really well and I should have more strength training. I noticed that she has written this down as I was telling her.

I think she probably got the idea that I want to work harder so when she got me to start on some exercises with lighter weights and then gradually increased the weights. Although she still asked me quite often if my arm felt ok. I told her my arm is fine and even if I was feeling tired I would still expect her to push me to do more. She agreed. I hope this is enough to get her to drive me harder because I don’t know what else to say to her otherwise.

After my session, I met up with Neil and he walked me home. He commented that I’m walking faster but I didn’t feel it. To prove this, we walked across Royal Parade without applying my usual strategy and he is right I was able to cross the road before the light changes. I told him that I’m still nervous that I can’t cross the road before the pedestrain’s light starts flashing. He didn’t think that ‘s much of a problem because he said even he cannot do that sometimes. He said he and Rosemary were very pleased to see that I have been updating my diary again and that they were happy to see that I actually enjoyed my shopping on Monday. I told him I don’t know whether it’s because I actually feel more comfortable to go out or it’s because I had someone there with me. I mentioned to Neil that on the Monday when I went to Myer at High Point, the lady at the Chanel counter actually gave me this really unfriendly stare when I went and asked her if they have Christelle body lotion. She told me they don’t have that in stock and then she looked at me up and down and told me that she is sure they will stock it in the Collins St store. I didn’t like being stared at like that but she didn’t intimidate me. I remember at the time I was just thinking ‘stuff you for staring at me like that. Besides, it’s her loss for not being able to sell me something’. It was probably the first time since my operation I was not intimidated by someone’s rude stare. Neil was very happy for me and insisted that I put this in the blog.

In the afternoon, the sun came out and it looked really nice outside. I have been thinking about going to Brunetti to get some cake for Gavin for a while. He has helped me a lot and I saw some patients bringing in some cake and stuff. I can’t really bake so the easiest thing to do is getting something from Brunetti. Since it’s such a nice afternoon, I decided to go there today. When I was just a street away from the shop, I thought I saw a parking spot but had to stop because of the light just turned red. I was very anxious because it’s pretty hard to find parking on Faraday Street. While I was waiting for the light to change, I saw a fourl wheel drive just pulled in the spot I saw before. I wished I had beaten the red light but it’s too late now. When the light finally changed, I was getting even more anxious about parking. To my surprise, I spoted some parking spots on the other side of the road so I turned around as soon as I could. There is a disabled parking spot so it’s perfect for me. Just when I was about to switch off the engine, I noticed that a car just about to leave a parking spot closer to the shop. I think my prayer has been answered. I was praying when I stopped at the light that I'll be able to park somewhere closed. I quickly drove into that spot and parked there. This is so much more convenient than the disabled parking spot because it’s half a street closer. I didn’t expect Brunetti to be this crowded but I suppose it’s still lunch time for some people at 1.30 p.m. I didn’t bother using the padestrain crossing this time since Faraday Street was not that busy. This is also the first time I J-walked after my operation. When Neil walked me home from the Melb Uni gym this morning, I told him that one of my goals is to be able to J-walk Royal Parade. I guess this is only the first step.

This is another good practice for me because I had to walk pass all these people sitting outside the café and I had to deal with their stares. Maybe I was just concentrating on getting to the shop because I didn’t actually notice any stares from people. When I went to the counter, I had to wait to be served because there were many customers waiting. I noticed the lady before me was very well groomed – with full make up on and painted long finger nails. When I looked around I notice that most people there were quite well dressed or at least in business suits. I was only wearing my gym outfit – runners, 3/4 length crop pants and fleecy sports top. Maybe I was too busy thinking about what to get because I didn’t feel embarrassed by my shabby looking outfit at all. I know the Italians usually dress well and that café is quite trendy and is the sort of place you want to be seen to be sipping your coffee but this is probably the first time after the operation I was able to face people in a place like this and not feeling terribly uncomfortable. The girl who served me was not very friendly but it didn’t bother me very much. I got what I had to get and walked out of the shop and walked passed the people who are sipping their coffee in the sun and felt proud of myself. I know my walking is far from being perfect but compare with a year ago I have come a long way.

When I got home, I still had a bit of time before my appointment with Judy so I decided to take a walk to the post office. My friend's birthday is coming up on Sunday so I thought I should send her a birthday card. I walked to the post office to get some stamps and to post the card. It was a pleasant walk because it’s a sunny afternoon. My leg is a little bit sore from the walk but it’s good kind of sore. I think I must be a sucker for punishment because these days I actually quite like the feeling of muscle ache after a good workout. It’s one way to know that I’m doing something good to strengthen the muscles.

Judy, the massage therapist, said she noticed there is some change in the leg. She thinks my leg has been working hard and it’s very good. I told her it could be due to the use of leg press for the first time on Tuesday. I’m a bit worried about her though, she told me she is going for an operation tomorrow to remove a gall stone. She said the doctor said she’ll be out of action for 2 weeks. This means I won’t see her next week. The way she described it sounds like it’s going to be very painful and I just hope everything goes well with the procedure.

27 July 2005

I got to Epworth quite early this morning. My mum came to the house to take Lillian to childcare and I went with her. Just as well I did because I had to put it in writing that I authorise her to pick up Lillian in the afternoon. Tim is in a workshop all day and has a meeting late this afternoon that he antipicates will go on for a while. We both agreed that it would be better for Lillian if my mum picks her up in the afternoon. She usually goes to my parents’ place on Wednesday nights anyway.

After dropping Lillian off at the childcare, my mum gave me a lift to my physio. I arrived half an hour before my appointment. I was wearing my ankle brace because I had to go to the childcare before that. When I went in the physio treatment room, I didn’t see Gavin there so I quickly removed my ankle brace and put it away together with my bag and jacket. Tracy saw me and she helped me to set up a mirror so I could start with some walking practice. After a few laps of walking, I just noticed that Gavin was actually in the room next door with another patient. He didn’t see me coming in with the ankle brace so he didn’t say anything. It’s kind of strange that I got away with it. I haven’t seen this patient he’s treating before. He must be new. He looks like he had a car accident and is in a pretty bad shape. He was basically leaning on Gavin when he was walking (or being dragged).

Gavin told me that he has asked Tracy to set up the equipment for me to do my dorsiflexion exercises after I finish all my usual ones – walking, calf raises and dorsiflexion against wall. I think it’s good that I got there early because it was only 11 a.m. when I finished my usual exercises so it gives me more time to do something new in the session.

Gary, the other Gavin’s patient, who always have physio at the same time as I do, turned up and Gavin was getting all the physio beds ready so he can walk around it with the support of the beds and Gavin. I must say I don’t particular like being in the same room as he does because it’s a bit like having a radio on in the background. He just doesn’t shut up. Maybe I’m just being a bit mean but sometimes I wonder why he bothers going to physio at all. I personally think if he is not serious about rehab then he shouldn’t waste everyone’s time. I was doing some calf stretches when he claimed that he’ll give anyone $1,000 if the person can bit him in a game of tic tac toe. Jacqui, another physio, tried and was beaten straight away. Another person tried and also failed. Finally, Gavin tried as well and was also beaten. Gary explained to him that there is a trick to this game etc. I was glad that was the end of it because Gavin sort of pushed him to stand up and start walking around the bed.

After my calf stretches, Gavin asked me to do a few laps of walking practice but walking backwards. This is quite challenging for me and I know I always have a bit of problem walking backwards due to weakness in my hip extensors. I know it’s important for me to be able to walk backwards especially if I want to be able to get back to ballroom dancing again. After a few more laps of walking backwards, he said my next task is to kick that guy off the bike. I poked my head out of the room and saw a guy on the bike I was on last week. I don’t think I want to do that so I asked Gavin if he’s serious. He said all I have to do is stand next to him and just stare at him and he’ll get off. I think he knows I have no sense of humour (hey, I’m an accountant so what do you expect) and I wouldn’t go up to that guy anyway so he asked Tracy to do the dirty work. I thought it’s a bit strange that he wanted me to do some exercises on the bike because last Friday we agreed that I can do that at home instead of during my physio session. I mentioned this to Gavin and he asked me why didn’t I tell him earlier. I told him that I thought he remembers. Tracy was just at the bike and Gavin had to rush out and tell her not to worry. He said he doesn’t remember that. He said he always get into trouble with his wife because she always says ‘remember you said you were going to do whatever’ and he said he doesn’t remember anyway so she can just say whatever she wants. This sounds all too familiar, I think Tim is a bit like that, too. I think guys not only have selective hearings, they have selective memory, too. At first, I thought he is just very nice because he never talks to me like if I’m a retard. The physios who treated me at MECRS when I was an in patient have a tendency to treat me like if I don’t know what’s going on around me and tend to blame me for everything (such as it’s not that they haven’t done anything with my arm but it’s because I don’t remember things). I told Tim many times that one thing I like about Gavin is that he has always been very positive and he doesn’t treat me like if I’m a retard. I notice he never ask me if I remember whatever. Now, I know it’s probably because he doesn’t always remember things himself.

He then asked Tracy to help with some hamstring exercises. I had to lie on my tummy or in physio’s term, prone. Tracy asked me to lift my leg up towards my butt. My leg was a bit wobbly but this is not unachievable. Gavin came over to check on me. He asked me if I find this exercise hard. To be honest, I don’t really know. I told him it’s not easy but it’s not too hard either. He asked Tracy to put some resistance on my leg to make this harder. In fact, this was so hard I could hardly lift up my leg and I could feel the right side of my body was trying to help as well. After a while, Gavin came back and said that’s enough for me and he’d get me to do something else. At first, I thought it’s the usual jumping practice but he had something else in mind. He set up a box in the walking rails and demonstrated what he wants me to do. Stepping my left foot back on the box and leave my right foot on the floor and then push up through my left leg to bring my right foot up on the box. Like everything, it always looks easy when he does it. I tried it and it wasn’t too bad. Gavin asked me if I find the exercise easy. Again, I didn’t find this too easy or too hard. He let me do a few more of this exercise and then set up the boxes for me for my jumping practice.

I had a brief chat with him about my personal training session and I told him that the trainer I had last week was even more cautious than Mary. He said there is no reason why they can’t push me harder because I’m not sick. He said it’s a bit different for someone who is 80 something and had a stroke because there is probably already something wrong with the person. He said I should tell Mary diplomatically that she needs to push me harder. I told him that she put me on a leg press yesterday for the first time. He said I should do lots of those. He also said I should do lots and lots of cardio exercises.

After I got home, I walked across the road to the milk bar to get some lunch. The walk was quite easy. I remember when I first got home from MECRS last September I had to call them for delivery but now I can easily walk there (with my ankle brace on) and get some lunch. In the afternoon, I realised that there is hardly any milk left so I had to make another trip to the store. With my ankle brace on, I actually enjoy walking around outdoors. On my way back, I saw our neighbor who lives two houses down from us. She said she thinks I’m walking a lot faster today and my walking seem to have a better rhythm. I’m surprised that people notice little details like this.

26 July 2005

I think you have to be so disciplined to update the diary everyday. I’m really struggling to keep my diary up to date but since I have decided to do it I have to push myself to do it.

I went for my hydro this morning. It’s my usual Tuesday morning routine now. I left the house before Tim took Lillian to the childcare. I felt a bit quilty that I have taken the car so they would have to walk.

Last week was the first time I didn’t need anyone’s help with carrying my bag and shoes to the shower. It all started with the girl who usually collects the money and help out during the session was away and I asked another MECRS staff at the beginning of the session if she could help me carying my bag and shoes to the shower after I get out from the pool. She said she couldn’t do that because she has back problems. I don’t think it would cause her any back problems but I didn’t want to be hopeless. Another lady in my group suggested that I leave my stuff in the change room so it’s easier to carry them to the shower afterwards. I tried that and it worked really well. I don’t know why I haven’t thought about doing that earlier. I have been coming to the hydro since last September and I only found out the solution almost a year later.

Some people in the group didn’t show up so the pool was not as crowded. I was able to do some breast stroke with the support of a noodle. Last week was the first time I found I could swim in a straight line and my ankle was not inverting. Today, I was able to do a few more laps without my ankle inverting. I found that the inversion usually starts when my leg gets a bit tired or if I’m trying too hard.

I had my personal training session in the afternoon. My personal trainer, Mary, was away last week so I had one session with another trainer. It was good in a way because I had an opportunity to check out what other trainers are like. I felt Mary hasn’t been pushing me hard enough but from my observation of other trainers, they don’t seem very pushy either. It seems ridiculous that I have to push the personal trainers to push me. I guess no personal trainer is as pushy as Gavin is. I was a bit disappointed with last week’s session. The trainer was so careful with me despite the fact that I assured her that I was ok and she won’t do any damage by pushing me hard. I think I made a mistake by mentioning ‘damage’ because that made her even more nervous. I did tell her that I found the exercises I’m doing with Mary are too easy. I suspect she may have passed on the comment to Mary because Mary told me in the beginning of the session that we’ll try some new exercises. She got me to try the leg press today and for once I felt that was quite challenging. I was pushing it with my left leg only and at one stage I felt my leg was going to fall off because the muscles were very sore. I think my leg had a pretty good workout today because my leg was quite sore afterwards that I wasn’t even sure whether I’d be able to walk home. I think that’s usually a good indication that I had a good workout.

25 July 2005

I think I should try to update my diary on a more regular basis. I think Neil is right, it does help me with my typing a bit. I will, however, try to keep it simple.

I went shopping today! The social worker from ARBIAS has arranged for a personal carer attendant to accompany me to do some ‘girly things’ with me. I spoke to her a few months ago about how I felt terrible about myself and didn’t feel like going anywhere and she suggested that she’d get someone to accompany me going out and do the things I would like to do. I have met the personal carer attendant, Lynn, previously. She accompanied me to my hairdresser last time.

I told Lynn last time that I want to get a pair of jeans and some pants so she suggested that we go to High Point shopping centre in Maribyrnong. I have only been there once before but I didn’t go to any shops there. Jacqui, the OT from MECRS, took me there once to practice using the escalator.

We picked a Monday morning because that’s really the only free time I have. I think I must have improved a lot since last time I was on the escalator. I didn’t have to think very hard getting on or off it this time. The shopping centre is quite big so we walked around for a bit. I’m not sure if it’s because Lynn was there with me or I’m more used to the crowd, I didn’t find it too traumatic walking around crowded area. For once, I didn’t even notice if people were staring at me because I was limping. I think it definitely helped to have someone there with me so I didn’t feel so isolated and maybe in a way it helped me to be less self-concious. I haven’t been shopping for a long time and today was the first time in a while I actually enjoyed being out and about and I actually enjoyed shopping. Tomorrow will be a real test on whether I’m more used to crowds and being less self concious because uni started today and I have my personal training tomorrow afternoon which means I have to face more people in the gym and on campus when I go there.

18 July 2005

I have been struggling to update my diary lately. I guess it’s because I haven’t been able to finish my diary during the day and by the time Tim comes home I don’t have access to the study so unless I finish my diary during the day, it just doesn’t get published. I have drawn up a weekly planner these days because I found I have quite a lot to do in a week and I need to plan my time better. In a week, I have two physio sessions at Epworth, one session of self-help hydro at MECRS, two personal training seesions at the Melbourne Uni gym, one physio session at home and one massage session at home. This is really making rehabilitation my full time job.

I had a pretty wasteful morning. I went to see my orthopaedic surgeon, Martin Richardson, in the morning. My appointment was at 9.45 a.m. and I made sure I arrive just on time – not too early, not too late. His medical suite is just right across the road from Epworth Rehabilitation. I thought about arranging physio session with Gavin after I see Martin but judging from last time, he might be running late again and if I miss out physio at 11 a.m. I would have to wait till 1 pm for the next session. I don’t want to hang around for hours just to save $30 on taxi.

Just as well I wasn’t going to physio today. I waited till 10.30 a.m. before I went to the receptionist to check if my appointment is at 9.45 a.m.. She confirmed that my appointment was scheduled at 9.45 a.m. but Martin is running a bit late and I should be next. ‘A little bit late’? I don’t think 45 minutes is a little bit late. By the time he sees me, it’d be an hour late.

I was right, by the time I saw him, it was already 10.45 a.m. He checked my shoulder and said it’s looking really good. John (the rehab specilialist who is always on the phone) and his team have done a great job. I felt like throwing up. John has done absolutely nothing and his team (Gavin) has given me some exercises but that’s about all. What about the help from Prema,Neil,Rosemary and Judy? I guess when I’m recovering well people just assume the rehab professionals have done a great job. I asked him about not being able to pull up my arm straight close to my ear but he said it will come when I build up more strength. I asked him what exercises should I do to have a full recovery. Again, he said whatever I’m doing now is great so there is no need to change. He thinks my shoulder has recovered about 85%. I told him that I started some personal training last month and what should I do with my shoulder. Again, he said whatever I’ve been doing is fine. Why did I bother asking I wonder.
That was the end of my appointment and he said he’ll see me in three months time.

I must say I’m a bit disappointed with him. I’m glad that my shoulder is recovering well but not too impressed when he’s so vague about what exercises I should do to gain a full recovery. Again, I felt I was being taken for granted. It’s very hard for me to make my voice heard when I don’t have a lot of confidence in myself. I don’t think it helps anyone if you limp when you walk and feel you look terrible the whole time.

8 July 2005

I had my usual physio appointment at Epworth this morning. I had to get up a bit earlier this morning because we received a notice from CitiPower a few days a ago to tell us that there will be some interruptions to the power supply today from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. I wasn’t too worried when I first read the notice but then when I remembered what happened a few weeks ago when we had a blackout, I started to panic. This means there will be no hotwater(for showering), no heating, no kettle for tea or coffee. I had to make sure I have a shower before then. I was lucky because minutes after I had a shower, the power went off. I didn’t think they were going to cut off power at 9 a.m. exactly but they did.

I got to Epworth a little bit earlier today. When I walked in the physio treatment room, Kathy was there with her patient but there was no sight of Gavin. I sat up a mirror and started my walking practice while I was waiting for him. I lost count of how many laps of walking I’ve done but when he finally turned up, he told me to continue with it while he rushes to do something else. I didn’t tell him but I think there is something wrong with the mirror. It makes me look short and fat – not a very flattering mirror.

When he returned, he told me to face the walking rails and do some calf raises. While I was doing the calf raises, I asked Gavin about personal training and whether it’s a standard thing for the personal trainers not to use gym equipments. I told him that Mary has set some exercises for mse to work on specific muscle groups but not using the gym equpiments. I also told him that I haven’t felt absolutely stuffed after my personal training sessions so I found that after I got home, I had to do more to feel that I had a good workout. He said what he sees me doing in the next twelve months is working in the gym independently. He said if the exercises are for specific muscle groups and if I only worked on certain muscle groups, the muscles were probably tired but I wouldn’t feel tired so it’s good to finish off with some cardio exercises. He said I should ask Mary to show me how to use various gym equipments so I can learn to use these equipments own my own. He also asked me if I’m going back to work full time end of this year. I told him last time that I plan to go back to work at the end of November. I told him I plan to go back part-time to start with. Maybe just one day a week and then gradually increase it. He said that’s ok because if I go back full time, I won’t have time for rehabilitation and I won’t improve. I’m a little depressed by his comments even though he hasn’t said anything negative. I was hoping that by the time I go back to work, I can get my life back – ie I will be able to walk normally and run and maybe even dance. I never expect the rehabilitation will take so long. It has been over a year now and this seems to be the longest year I had. I can’t believe that I’m spending the prime of my life learning how to walk again.

Gary came in as I was talking to Gavin. Gavin told me to continue with twenty more calf raises and then the dorsiflexion exercises against the wall. I have done some dorsiflxion exercises already before I went to Epworth. This is the one that I stand with my back against the wall and feet just a few inches away from the wall. I then take my butt off the wall just leaving my shoulders and my back touching the wall. Finally, I need to lift the rest of my upper body off the wall by lifting my toes. I found a good place for me to do this exercise is when I’m in the shower because I’m actually standing barefeet. The only problem is to lean against the cold tiles.

After the dorsiflexion exercises, Gavin told me to practice jumping in the walking rails. He put a box there for me to jump on and off first and when he thought I was doing better, he removed the box and asked me to do the same without the box. When I was practising this I could hear Gary talking all the time. He was telling Gavin that he had coffee with Gary Ablett’s girlfriend. I don’t know what he used to do but somehow I think he must be in that field before because he’s always talking about the football players or coaches. In the past, I was always a bit annoyed with Gavin because I felt he was always talking to Gary and I was always left there to do my own things. Today, I noticed that it’s not Gavin that was talking. Gary was the one who wouldn’t shut up so there’s probaby nothing much Gavin could do anyway. In fact, Gary couldn’t even stand not talking for one minute that when Gavin had to go somewhere and left him there in his wheelchair, he had to call someone on the mobile for a chat.

I practiced a little bit more own my own and then Gavin came over to check what I was doing. I think I did some really pathetic little jumps because I found him smirking when he was looking at my jumps. He asked me how did I think I went. I told him I think it was pretty bad. He didn’t comment on that but he still had that smirk on his face. He told me I need to focus on the height, not the distance when I’m practising at this stage. I guess this is what I’ll be doing for the next few sessions until I can run.

After my session, Gavin asked me if my legs are tired. I told him no. I also told him that in the past, little exercises like this would probably tired me out completely but now it takes a lot more for me to feel tired. He thinks it’s good I don’t feel tired because it means I’m much fitter these days.

7 July 2005

I haven’t updated my diary for a while. I found that I hardly have time to do that these days. When I look at my weekly schedule, I realise that I actually have a pretty busy schedule – two physio sessions at Epworth, two personal training sessions at the gym, one private physio session at home, one message session and one hydro session at the pool plus time to do some exercises at home. There is hardly any time left to do my diary and other things.

I had a massage session with Judy this morning. I was a bit relieved when she told me she’s happier with my arm this week. A couple of weeks ago she was a bit concerned that I wasn’t working hard enough and there wasn’t enough for her to work on. Today, she said my arm is much better but compared with the leg, I can still do more with the arm. That just brought up another question I have. I know Gavin always says I should work so hard that I feel absolutely stuffed but I don’t actually experience that in personal training. One thing I always thought a bit odd is that my personal trainer, Mary, never uses any gym equipment for my program apart from some arm exercises. The only time I feel I’m absolutely stuffed is when I use the cross trainer at home. I wonder if it’s a standard thing for personal trainers to do – not using the gym equipments. I asked Judy about that but she’s not sure what personal trainers do. I guess that’s something I need to clarify with Gavin.

After massage, Rosemary came over. She has a new set of arm exercises for me. I think it’s a good idea to start on those arm exercises again. I haven’t done them for a while and Judy has noticed the difference when I wasn’t doing those. I’ve written up her exercises in my new exercise book so there are more for me to do now. I also told her that I asked Gavin about my exercise prgram and he told me he thought it would be better for me to do the leg exercises at the gym. Rosemary knows that I was a bit upset with Gavin last week because Tim told me Gavin said he's given me a written exercise program but all I had was the shoulder exercises. Now I know he doesn't have any specific leg exercises for me but I can probably check with him if the exercises I do in personal trainings are adequate.

I don’t know what’s going on with the Harold-Sun newspapers. I received a phone call from someone by the name of Joe in the afternoon. He said he’s calling from the Harold-Sun. He asked me if I read the Harold-Sun. I told him no and he asked me how do I get the news then. I felt like telling him I get the news from reading The Age or The Australians but I didn’t want to give him too much detail. I told him I get the news on the Internet or from the radio. He said something but I didn’t quite hear it. To my surprise, he actually hang up on me. This is the first time a salesperson hang up on me. I was a bit upset because I felt that should be my job to hang up on him but I guess it makes it easier for me so I don’t have to be rude to him. About half an hour later, someone else from the Harold-Sun called again. I told this person that Joe just called me before and she was happy to leave me alone. I thought they should be a bit more organised in planning their calls.