30 May 2006

Finaaly, here is another blog. I feel so bad that I haven't updated this for a while. I have been extremely busy attending 5 gym ssessions, 7 classes and 3 physio sessions a week plus the part time work. I could hardly find any time to type up the blog...

I have many more landmatk achievements since my last update. The most significant one is probably I'm able to hold myself up in the pilates plank position. It's similar to the starting position of doing proper pushups - staying on the toes rather than on the knees. I have been going to pilates classes for a while now and it's always annoying when the instructor starts the class in a standing position and do a roll down and walk the hands out in front and get in the plank position. Because of my ankle instability, I always find it difficult to do this and would finish in a 4 point kneeing position rather than a plank position. Last week, I though maybe I should ask Gavin if he could give me some exercises to do so I can get in the plank position eventually. When I asked him about it, he didn't seem to understand what the plank position was so I told him it's like the starting position in the proper pushups. He said there's a trick to that and he showed me how I could do it even with my unstable ankle. I need to start with the 4 point kneeling position and then put my heels together and push up with my arms. To my surprise, I was able to push up with my arms and stay in that position. It's probably not quite the same as what I need to do in pilates but it's pretty close to doing proper pushups. I found that my shoulders are so much stronger and I can bear a lot more weight than before. I found that these days when I do pushups, I'm definitely putting more pressure on the arms and shoulders even though I still do them in 4 point kneeing. One of my short term goal is to be able to do proper pushups.

Another major breakthrough is that I'm now able to pick up a bottle from a shelf behind me. This is something I've been wanting to do for a long time and it can be quite a useful function in the shower. For example, reaching behind and above to grab that shampoo bottle without having to turn around. I didn't know I could do this because I haven't tried for a long time. When Prema was sick last week and had to cancel our appointment, I suddenly had an extra 1.5 hours (ok, I should have updated the blog as well) so I thought maybe I'd try that. I was amazed that I can do it without too much trouble and very excited by this new achievement. I think my shoulders are getting so much stronger - thanks to BodyPump classes. I think that's the best thing I've stumbled across in my rehab. Ok, maybe having Gavin as my physio is the best and BodyPump the next best thing in my rehab.

I think I was probably a bit harsh on my orthopaedics, Martin Richardson. I remember asking him a while back about what to do to have a full recovery of my shoulder and he told me I needed strength training. I was a bit skeptical and thought maybe he just wanted to brush off my questions. When I asked Gavin about what to do in the gym for my shoulder, he told me I could do whatever I like. I then found out about BodyPump a few months ago and having been attending the classes ever since. I think going to the classes is good because it forces me to do a lot of exercises that I wouldn't do otherwise and in a class situation is a bit hard to quit when I get too tired. The only thing I don't like in BodyPump is Alex. I know it's been a while now since I had the trouble with him. I actually tried to be nice to him by going upto him after the class and have a chat a few weeks ago. He wasn't particularly sympathetic of my situation and asked me if I still see Gavin and if I knew what percentage of recovery I would get. I told him it all ldepends how how hard I work and no one rehab specialist or physio will tell me the answer because nobody really knows. He said he's still worried about me. He thinks because I have one weak side so the stronger side will do all the work and if I just practice poor technique repetitively, I'm reinforcing bad habits. I tod him that's ok because for a start, Gavin didn't seem to think it's a problem and secondly, in many rehab journals, bilateral training is encourgaed since the strong side can teach the affected side.

I actually think he is just not a nice person. Sometimes I wonder if his background is accounting or finace because he is really a dickhead. He is the only one person who knows my condition and what I have been trying to do and not sympathetic about it. I see him at the gym sometimes and he's not particularly friendly. Most of the gym staff who know of my condition are quite sympatheic and I feel somewhat respect my efforts in trying to do as much as possible. I know i sound like a whinger but I just need to get this off my chest again. I know he'll be taking the BodyStep class I've been attending this Friday because Tracy, the usual instuctor for this class, will be away. I went up to him after the BodyPump class and just check if it's ok if I go to BodyStep but leaving early. I told him I've been having this inversion problems for a while and if the inversion gets bad, I might just leave early. His reply was sort of like I shouldn't take up the space if I'm going to have a problem because someone else should have my space. That's probably right, some able bodied student should have my place because his class is not for someone who has a disability. All I can say is fxxk him. I'll attend if I feel like going and leave when I feel I've had enough. I'm somehow worried that if I attend and if he can pick more fault, I might need Gavin to bail me out again. I don't want to miss a class because of him because I don't want to give him the pleasure of being able to intimidate me. I really don't understand how can some people be so nasty. Most people who know what I have been through really admire my courage for trying (so they say) but he is the most unsympathetic person I've met. Given that he is the business manager of the sports centre, I thought he should feel honored that they are able to help a disabled person to get her life back rather than kicking the underdog.

16 May 2006

Latest achievement to report: walked from the Melbourne Town Hall to home. We went to the Comedy Festival the week before with a group from Tim's work. The comedy was at the Melbourne Town Hall. After the show, we went to a Chinese restaurant in Little Bourke Street for dinner. Tim thought I'd porbably like to catch a taxi home afterwards but as we started walking, I actually felt like some exercises. I think my body was craving for more exercises since I had to leave early during my BodyStep class to get to the show. It was drizzling but it was not cold and I found the walk quite pleasant. We walked down Exhibition Street which turns into Rathdowne Street and then Grattan Street and turned to Lygon Street. We even managed to catch a late movie at Cinema Nova in Lygon Court before heading home. I don't know how far we walked but I think it's definitely more than 3 km. I think it's the first time I walked this far (in the city) since the operation. Come to think of it, I don't think I would have done this before my operation anyway. I think I would have complained how far it is and would have caught a tram or a taxi. These days, I really enjoy being able to move around. I guess after what I've been through, I appreciate and cherish the fact that I can walk and move around - things that we normally take for granted.

I'm still 'suffering' from the symptoms of an addict - constantly thinking and planning when I will go to the gym and classes and feel anxious when I haven't been. I started going to the gym before work on Monday mornings. Since I returned to part time work, I feel really tired and anxious on Mondays when I'm at the office. I kept thinking about going to the gym afterwards and didn't feel like interact with my collegues because I just wanted to go home and go to the gym. I thought maybe I need to get my 'fix' before I go to work so I'd feel more settled and less anxious. The gym opens at 6.30 a.m. so I had to get up at 5.30 a.m. to get there early enough to have a reasonable workout and then get home to have a shower and get ready to go to work. I think this plan works pretty well because I definitely feel more relaxed when I go to work and didn't feel anxious all the time. It's a big effort for somebody who used to sleep in all the time. I have been getting up at 6 a.m. to go to BodyPump and Pilates but 5.30 a.m. is really early. I think my body knows I have to get up at that time so on the days I don't need to get up at 5.30 a.m., I would wake up and check my alarm clock at 5.30 a.m.

On the days I rocked up at the gym at 6.30 a.m., I found that there this girl who is always there early and because she can run, she always managed to get the elliptical machine I like. I find this quite annoying since I feel I work best with that elliptical. The only thing I can do is try to do more when I don't have to go there that early since she won't be there.

I was at the gym for about 2 hours this morning after my BodyPump class. I have been attending Alex's classes on Tuesday mornings. Despite the fact that Gavin stated in the letter to him that I will not use barbell for any overhead activites or for squats, I have been using the barbell for a while now. The letter was written back in March and it's almost been 2 months now. I tried to use the bar in a class with different instructor and it felt ok so I have kept using it. I haven't mentioned this before but the instructor on Monday night, Donna, is a very nice lady. She teaches Tri Atheletic (an aerobics class) and BodyPump on Monday evenings. I have been going to her classes for a while now. She was the one who pointed out to me that my tecniques look quite good in BodyPump and I should set my self a goal to increase the weights over time. I took her advice and loaded up the weights. In BodyPump, they always say you should have heavier weight in the squats track since quads are big muscle groups. When I first tried the heavier weight, she asked me how did I go with it. I told her it felt heavy. She told me that's what it's meant to be and she told me she thought my technique was good. Sometimes I wonder if it's a gender difference that guys just can't be sympathetic and nice. Donna is always very sympathetic of my situation and is always nice. She mentioned many times that I'm really inspiring because I don't give up and I still try to do things. On the other hand, Alex is not like this at all. A few weeks ago, I went up to him to have a chat after his class. Not that I particularly wanted to but I thought I should be nice to him since he is the operations manager at the sports centre and it's better if I can get on well with someone in that position. He asked me how's my rehab going and whether I still sees Gavin. He then asked me if I know how much recovery I will get. I looked at him and he asked if they told me what % of recovery I will get. I really hate this type of question so I told him rehab speciailists will never tell you anything like that because it all depends on how hard you work. He told me that he is still worried about me. I told him I know my limits so I won't do anything silly. He said it's not just that but because I have one weak side and the strong side will just try to do everything and if I keep practising poor technique, I'm reinforcing bad habits. I told him in rehab they encourage bilateral training because your good side can teach the affected side. I don't think he has bad intensions but I guess he is just a bloke and blokes can't say anything nice or they'll sound soppy. This happened many weeks ago but I still felt uneasy about it. I guess I expect a lot more respect from people since I tried so hard. Sometimes, I feel maybe I need a write up in the newspaper or something because I feel so unappreciated since most people don't know what I have been through to get to this stage and I feel I deserve more respect. But then if people from work or the insurance company find out what I'm really like, I might be in serious trouble.