2 June 2007

This is the special anniversary edition of the blog. Today marks the 3^rd anniversary of my operation. It’s not really a long time but it has been a very long journey for me. I was reading the blog Tim has kept for me after my operation and I’m glad he did that because I can hardly remember those early days – right after the operation and at MECRS, the rehab hospital. When people look at me now, they can hardly believe what I’ve been through when I told them that.

I guess I’m unlucky that this had happened but lucky that I had a lot of support from friends and family when I was going through the most difficult part of the journey. I have to say that I’m very grateful for the help of Neil and Rosemary. They have helped tremendously right from the beginning, when I couldn’t even move my fingers. They have provided a lot of morale support throughout my rehab, especially when I went through a stage that I just hated the way I looked and didn’t want to go anywhere or be seen by anyone. It took me a long time to get over that. It’s the part of the journey that I really don’t want to remember. I’m also very fortunate that Tim has been so helpful and supportive. I couldn’t have done it without him.

I think in a way this had to happen to me. Maybe it’s fate or destiny. I used to be such a delicate flower (Tim used to call me that) before my operation. I was not sporty and had never been to the gym. Tim’s family are all very active and now Lillian is like that too. I think my ideal holiday before would be staying in a 5 star hotel and just do nothing. Now, I can’t stand doing nothing. Last weekend when we were at the farm, I was really looking forward to having a bit of rest after 2 full days of work and 15 gym sessions. The weather was beautiful and Tim suggested that we go on this challenging bike ride we’ve been talking about for a while – a loop from McCartins track to Dollar and then Turtons Creek and back. It’s a very heely track and we didn’t know how long it’d take. We had to pack plenty of water and food with us because we’ve never done this before and it could take a long time. I did mention to Tim that for some reason my body wasn’t really craving for the long bike ride since I just had a big week of training. The weather was too beautiful to stay inside so I decided I’d go anyway. It was definitely a very challenging ride – the most challenging one I’ve ever done. I think there were times I didn’t know whether I could make it. It’s also hard when you don’t know the road very well, you don’t know how long you still have to go. I was surprised to find out that it only took us about 3 ½ hours to get back. We had to walk the last km or so because the bike was falling apart and we didn’t have the tool to fix it. Tim said it’s probably about 30 or 40 km ride. I think that’s the longest one we’ve done so far. I was quite tired after that but not absolutely knackered. Tim said he didn’t think I could have done this before my operation. He thinks I’m fitter and stronger than I have ever been. He was surprised that I didn’t complain at all. I told him I think I’m the ‘new improved model’ since the operation. I think now I’m more like them, a lot more active than before. Otherwise, I’d be the odd one out. While they go out for a bike ride or to the beach and I’ll probably just stay at home and do nothing.

I haven’t got around to mention this in my previous blogs. I finally met someone who was almost like a gym buddy to me. I met Kavin, a girl from Hong Kong who was doing her post graduate studies in criminology at Melbourne Uni, in the boxing class sometimes last year. We exchanged phone numbers back then but I never got around to call her because I was so busy doing my rehab and wasn’t really interested in ‘wasting’ time chatting to some overseas student who is probably just bored in here. Besides, she is Chinese. Not that there is anything wrong with that, given that I’m also a Chinese. It’s just that from my experience, most Chinese girls are a bit superficial and not really into fitness. Many of them go to aerobics classes because it’s a bit like going dancing and they like that. I didn’t get to know Kavin well until I saw her again in the boxing class a couple of months ago. I saw her at the gym often but didn’t really talk very much. I only found out more about her while we were outside the boxing studio waiting for the class. It turned out that she is really sporty and have a passion for exercises. It was great to have her around because in the boxing class the instructor always ask people to pair up for the focus pads part. I used to dread that bit because of my mobility problem I always felt uncomfortable partnering up with someone I don’t know. For many weeks, we went boxing together and then attended the fitball class afterwards. She even turned up to the early morning BodyPump class a few times. On Tuesdays, I would normally go to the early morning BodyPump class, and then gym, cardio box and fitball, before I go home and have my physio session with Prema. I have been longing to find a gym body who can go to the classes and gym together. It’s very hard to find someone who has time and is committed to do that. It’s even harder to find someone who is fit enough to go to so many classes in a day. I have tried to drag some people to the fitball class with me after boxing and I’ve never seen them again since then. I guess sometimes I forget that it took me a long time to build up the fitness and endurance to go to so many sessions in a day.

It was sad for me that a couple of weeks ago Kavin had finished her studies and had gone back home. I wished I had found out more about her last year because unlike many Chinese girls I know, she is totally unpretentious and very down to earth. It turned out that she is a medical graduate and a psychiatrist working at a hospital in Hong Kong. She wanted to join the ‘doctors without borders’ and work in developing countries. I know many Asians study medicine wanting to become doctors because of the money and status but I haven’t met anyone who just want to help people who are less fortunate. I have a lot of respect like her.

Kavin knew my story and she told me when she first met me she could never have guessed that I had never been to the gym before I had the operation. She said because I look very athletic she thought I must be very sporty. She also thinks that I must be very strong because she said she had seen many young men in Hong Kong who had stroke and had just totally given up. I don’t think I’m that strong. I did go through a very difficult time but I think it was helpful to be addicted to gym and classes because it made me work harder.

It’s just not the same not having Kavin around in the boxing class now. After she had gone, I had to pair up with other people in the class. It’s become quite awkward and unpleasant for me. There’s this girl in the class I often see at the gym. I know she’s a regular in the class. A couple of weeks ago in the class I asked her to pair up with me in the session. She agreed. I think it was a mistake because last week when I went to the class, I noticed that when the instructor asked us to pair up, she and many of the regulars were avoiding eye contact with me. I think they’re worried that I might ask them to pair up with me. I felt deeply hurt because I don’t need them to pair up with me. I certainly don’t want them to say yes just out of politeness or sympathy. I feel that many people start to avoid me because of this. Tim said I’m too sensitive but I feel that some of them even start to avoid eye contact with me when I see them at the gym because maybe they’re worried if they’re too friendly I might ask them to pair up next time. I just wish they can undersatand what I’ve been through and how hard I had to work to get to this stage and that I DON’T need to pair up with any of them. I want respect, not sympathy.