30 September 2005

I had physio at Epworth this morning. Again, I went there a bit earlier so I’d be organised before my session starts. When I went in the physio treatment room, Nick was sitting in his wheelchair at one side of the room. I didn’t know whether to say hello to him or not because I don’t know if he recognises me. He had problem remember the physio student’s name two weeks ago. His mobility seems to have improved a lot but I don’t know whether his memory has improved. One thing I have noticed about these patients who had tramatic brain injuries from car accidents is that although they often lost the ability to speak or suffer from temporary short-term memory loss, their mobility seem to improve quite rapidly. I don’t know if that’s due to the nature of brain injury or the intensive physio they’ve been having. It again puts a question in my mind – would I have improved more if I had gone there in the first place?

When I was doing my walking practice, I saw Damian and his companion came in. When I first came to Epworth in March, he was still in a wheelchair but he has improved so much since and is walking around quite well now. I saw him a few weeks ago and I think he has made further improvement since then. I never found out his companion’s name although I have seen her many times.

I then went on to do my dorsiflexion exercises against the wall. When I was doing that, I saw this woman I often see before my session starts. I think she normally comes in an hour before I do. I know she is also Gavin’s patient but I don’t know her name. When I saw her walk a few weeks ago, I thought her walking had improved. She used to drag her swing her effected leg out like I did but had stopped when I saw her last time. Today, I noticed her old habit has come back again. For some reason, she is circumducting her effected leg again. I wonder if she had a stroke because that’s the typical hemplegic gait – something I used to do. I think I still do it sometimes especially when my legs are a bit stiff.

When Gavin came in, he asked Damian’s companion to go to the computer. I think he has video taped Damian running and just wanted her to see it, too. I haven’t seen it but all of a sudden I felt quite bitchy about his improvement. It’s a bit likewhen we were training for ballroom dancing and when you haven’t seen someone for a while and the person suddenly became a very good dancer, even better than you are. I guess when I saw his progress I felt a bit threatened. I know this is not competitive ballroom dancing and I shouldn’t be competitive and be bitchy about it but somehow I can’t get over the fact that he is running and I’m not. It makes me wonder what am I doing wrong that I’m not doing as well. Maybe he hasn’t been in sessions the same time as Gary so he hasn’t wasted as much time.

Gavin set me up on the trampoline to practice jumping. He demonstrated what I had to practice – start with push off through the right foot and land on the left foot and push off through left and land on the right and I have to do this quickly. It always looks easy when he does it. I practised this for a while but still find it pretty hard. He asked Damian to do push ups on the physio bed while I was on the trampoline and he is treating Gary. He has three patients in a session at the same time but I guess Damian and I are well enough to do our own things independently. When Gary came in today, he told me he’s having the Botox today. I don’t know what happened to Gary because he is really quiet today. Maybe he is scared of needles.

Maybe I’m just getting old and grumpy but Damian’s companion has been quite a chatter box today and I found it really irritating. There I was trying to practice jumping, and I had to put up with this background noise. I used to have to put up with Gary but I think I got used to his voice now so I can just switch off and do my own things. It’s very hard for me to focus on my jumping when there is this new ‘noise’ in the background. Gavin said this is the last thing I need to be able to do before I can run. I asked him if this is a co-ordination problem. He said it’s both co-ordination and strength. I think this is something I can use the ‘imagining’ technique. Neil has discovered (when he was helping me with my arm exercises) that imagining helps when there is problem with co-ordination. I also asked Gavin about my knee. I found that when I’m jumping on the trampoline or doing the leg press my left knee tends to rotate inwards. He said that’s due to hip weakness. I told him that I mentioned this to Mary and she told me it’s due to muscle imbalance but is unsure how to fix it. Perhaps I shouldn’t have mentioned it because for the second time he is telling me that I have to sack Mary. He mentioned to me last time that he can recommend another personal trainer but I thought it’s too much trouble because I have just got used to Mary and if I go to someone new I have to start all over again and also, I’m not sure if the Melbourne Uni gym will allow me to bring in my own personal trainer.

Gavin put Gary on a physio bed and told us we can hang around if we want to see Gary scream. They are preparing to give him some Botox. He pulled down Gary’s pants and marked the spots where the Botox will be injected. The needle is so big and looks really scary. I didn’t stay to watch the injection because I thought Gary would probably feel a bit undignified – lying there with his pants down (with underpants on though). I know I wouldn't like people watching if I were in that situation.

29 September 2005

Tim came back from his trip on Tuesday morning and we picked up Lillian from my parents’ place on Tuesday night. Life should be more normal now that he is back.

I went to my usual hydro at MECRS on Tuesday morning. Next week is my last session there. I think Gavin is right in saying that I can work harder on land and I don’t really need to have hydro anymore. I tend to agree except that one place I can really test out the condition of my ankle inversion is in the pool. I remember a few months ago when I tried to swim in the hydro pool, my ankle was inverting so badly it was hurting me so I had to stop. Over the months, my condition seemed to have improved that now I can do a few laps without my ankle inverting. There were times that the inversion started without reason but when I looked back at those occasions, there were the times I didn’t do much exercise during the week. I think as long as I work hard on my legs, the inversion tends to be more manageable.

I had personal training on Tuesday and yesterday. I told Mary, my personal trainer, that I would like to have three sessions a week when my hydro finishes. I’m also thinking of joining the gym so I can do more work during the week. It’s good to have her working with me showing me how to use various machines but there will be a time that I should be able to exercise independently. When I first started personal training, I thought all the people who go there will be like Elle Macpherson or Cindy Crawford and I was a bit embarrassed about my own appearance. After a while, I got to see other people who go there for personal training and I realised that most people who go there are not glamourous at all. In fact, most of them are overweight or quite unfit. I shouldn’t be so mean but I'm starting to think that maybe normal people don’t go to personal trainings. It suits me fine at this stage because I’m still not strong enough to use all the machines yet and Mary sometimes has to set up certain exercises manually for me to do. For example, she set up theraband to work on my hamstrings because the minimum weight on the machies is 5 kg and I found it a bit heavy to do the leg curls.

I caught up with Neil after my personal training session and he walked me home. It’s always good to see him. He said he had two important things to tell me about. At first, I thought I must have done something really bad – Is he going to check up on my exercise program or something? I was actually a bit scared because he looked quite serious. The first thing he mentioned was my diary/blog. He said I should make sure I keep or print out a copy because if blogger.com goes down I will loose all my diary and I should keep a copy for Lillian to read. That’s really good suggestion. I always thought my diary is safe because it’s on a website but I haven’t thought about what happens if the website no longer exists or something goes wrong with it. Gee, he got me worried for one second. I thought I had done something really bad…

The second thing he brought up was about trans fats and how studies done on mice with brain injuries show that trans fat delayed the recovery of brain injury. He said I should watch what I eat because it may have an impact on how my brain rewires. This is interesting because I’ve never heard of trans fat before. Apparently, it’s in a lot of snack food such as chips. I probably had a lot already but just didn’t know about it before.

When I was having lunch, something suddenly occurred to me. I should be grateful for all the things I have. I’m so lucky that Tim has been so supportive at least I don’t have financial worries. I’m also lucky to have friends like Neil and Rosemary who have done so much to help me in my recovery. Sometimes, I almost feel guilty that I can go to Epworth for physio and can learn to run again. I don’t know why but I suddenly remembered Maurice, the guy in my ‘Life Moves’ program who reminds me of Chopper Reed. I remember him telling me that he wanted to ask Professor Disler, a rehabilitation specialist at MECRS, when can he run again. He said he just wants to be able to run again. I know there are times that I feel my progress is slow and I get a bit bored when Gavin teaches me how to run. When I think about what I have or what I can access, it makes me feel guilty not working harder. There he is, trying to find out if and when he can run again and here I’m complaining that the practices Gavin got me to do is a bit boring. I think it’such a privilege to be able to go to Epworth and have Gavin as a physio. Another reason to have private health insurance.

I had massage this morning with Judy. I found out today that she used to be a pilot with Qantas. The topic came up when we were talking about Tim’s trip to America. I told her that he had to stop over Auckland because there was no direct flight to LA from Melbourne on that day. She said Qantas has direct flights to LA 5 times a week and it started in October 99 or something like that. I wondered why she would know so much about. She told me she knows because she was flying it. I cannot believe how talented she is – a PhD in Physics, Master in Music and a Qantas pilot. I wonder if there is anything she cannot do!

26 September 2005

I haven't updated my diary for a while. The main reason(excuse) being Lillian and I are staying with my parents while Tim is away. I think I got to the stage now that I feel confident enough to stay home on my own. In fact, I went home last Monday night so I could go to my hydro session at MECRS on Tuesday morning. This is the first time I stayed home on my own at night since my operation. I'm hoping that I'll be able to look after Lillian on my own as well so when Tim is away I can take her to and collect her from the childcare independently.

Nothing much happened over the past week or so except that I had another fall. It sounds a lot more serious than it actually is. I went to a gym with Alessia, a friend of mine who lives near my parents' place, last Monday and it made me appreciatee the Melbourne Uni gym a lot more. For a start, this gym is full of guys who have big bulky muscles and almost no necks and when it's really intimidating when they start to pile up on the weights. The machines there are a lot older as well. When I went there on Monday, I realised that there weren't too many machines I could or know how to use. I must admit that I felt a bit uncomfortable in a gym that I'm not familiar with so I was following my friend around a bit. I started with the elliptical when my friend was on the bike. When she finished that and went to the leg press, I followed her, too. The leg press she was using was too scary for me - it's a 45 degrees one that you do it lying down. I prefer the seated leg press. I looked around but couldn't find one so my friend was asking around for me. She found someone who I thought works there and he saw my ankle brace and thought I had a broken ankle. I was a bit worried that he might be worriedd about liability issues since I'm already injured etc. I told him that my problem is not a broken leg or ankle but neuro. He didn't seem to understand so I told him that I had a brain injury and I'm wearing an ankle brace because my tibialis anterior is stronger than the peroneals and that causes my ankle to invert. I wish I had my camera with me, you should see the look on his face. I thought he works there and he knows all these techinical jargons. In the end, i told him i just want to find a leg press that I can use in sitting and I only want to work on the left leg. That he had no problem to understand so he showed me the seated leg press. The only problem with this machine is that there are no marks on the weights so I have no idea how much I'm lifting. Alessia stayed theree with me and got me to try on various weights until I found it just hard enough. I told her to leave me there for a while so she can proceed with her program.

While I was on the leg press, I spotted something else I might be able to use - cable row and lat pull down. I have used these machines in my personal training session so I thought I could give it a try after the leg press. I couldn't believe that the lightest weight is 20kg. At the Melbourne uni gym thee lightest weight is 5 kg. I tried a few without weight and then the 'ligtht' 20kg. It was not too bad but I was doing it bilaterally. While I was using it, i watched the person next to me doing the lat pull down and tried to learn how to use it because the one at the Melbourne Uni gym is a bit different. I went to try the lat pull down after the other person has left. Again, the lightest weight is 20 kg. I know there is no way I can lift 20kg so I started it with no weight.

I tried a few times without the weight and then I was confident enough to try the 'light' 20kg. It's a bit intimidating the guy opposite to me was piling up on weights while I found it hard enough without any weight. I couldn't actually pull down the 20 kg so I thought if I moved back a bit it would probably be a bit easier. I tried to move back but didn't look behind me. The seat is a lot shorter than the Melbourne Uni one so I ended up on the floor. My friend and another guy rushed to my aid but I had too much pride and told them not to touch me and got up on my own! It's quite embarrassing, almost made me look like Bridget Jones! That was my first experience visiting a gym outside of Melbourne Uni and it made me realise why some women join the all women gyms.

I had physio at Epworth this morning. I was panicking a little bit last week when I found out that Gavin is going away for 2 months from mid October. But then, I thought there will be a time when I will stop physio because it's probably not something I need forever and it's not normal to go to a rehab place all the time, I felt more relaxed. I think as long as I make sure I keep up with my exercises and go to the gym regularly, there is probaably nothing to worry about. Besides, there are times that I feel I haven't done all that much in a physio session for various reasons. Today was a bit like that. Gary was really annoying me. Not really his fault but he just wouldn't shut up about footy. I guess because it's Monday just after the grand final weekend. Sometimes I felt like telling him that he'll probably be able to walk on his own if he doesn't waste so much time talking. It's a bit frustrating having to share the same resources (ie Gavin) with someone who doesn't want to help themselves. I just feel that I don't have time to waste. It's ok for him because he has already wasted a lot of time following footy and talking about but I just don't want him to waste my time.

When I first got to the physio room, Gavin introduced me to Skye, the OT/hand therapist, I was hassling him about. I know Gary goes to her as well and it's also arranged by Gavin. Now that I know my private health insurance will fund all my rehabilition costs at Epworth, I can ask for OT as well. Skye told me they don't usually treat out patients and asked me what do I want in particular. I told her I want to have an assessment done so I know what I need to work on in terms of recovery for my upper limb. She said that's fine but it may be just once off thing. I thought it's a bit strange that Gary has no problem seeing her on a regular basis so I asked Gavin about it. I told him that I need an OT to help me work out a way that I can look after Lillian independently like what the OTs at MECRS were trying to do. He said it's a bit political and he will need to talk to her boss first. Here we go again... I have almost forgotten the politics of different divisions and cross referals after leaving chartered acccounting for a while - something I definitely don't miss.

I practised jumping and running in the walking rails while Gavin was treating Gary. I asked Gavin for people who had brain injuries whether running has to be retrained or can they just pick up like kids because when I watch Lillian, she didn't have to learn how to run and she just started running by herself. He said people who have had brain injuries have to relearn. He said they will probably be able to run again eventually but it will take a lot longer. He also said it's a bit different for kids because their brains are developing but the adult brains have stopped developing. This is exactly what Tim said as well. I guess when there is no luxury of natural recovery, it all depends on how hard I work.

14 September 2005

I went to my usual physio session at Epworth this morning. I have not been feeling energetic all this week. I don’t understand why that’s the case because I had personal training on Monday and Tuesday so I should actually feel better. I hope it’s not because I have been trying to help Tim to put together some information for the software company for the due deligence. It’s not very hard work, just tedious. I’m starting to worry if I’ll be able handle going back to work. The thought of going back to work stresses me out a bit but my insurance company has becoming quite pushy as the date gets closer – another pain in the neck to deal with. In the past, the insurance company requires me to fill out a claim form everry three months but now they want me to do one every month. It’s not hard to fill out the form but it also requires a doctor report stating that I’m still unable to work. It’s just a pain the butt to have to go to see my doctor about it every month. They even contacted someone at the ATO to discuss about my return to work program and requested that I get in contact with this person. I think a lot of energy has been wasted on thinking and worrying about this.

When I went in the physio treatment room, Gavin was treating another patient. I haven’t seen this person before so he must be a new patient. He is in a pretty bad state. I think most of them are when they first came here, especially those TAC patients. I set up a mirror for my walking practice. When I was practising, I couldn’t help laughing because there’s this physio student with this new patient and he kept asking this patient if he remembered his name. The student’s name is Dan and the patient’s name is Nick. I heard Dan telling Nick that his name is Dan and he wanted Nick to repeat it 10 times. He then ask Nick again what his name was and Nick had forgotten already. I guess it wouldn’t be funny for Nick but it just the way Dan was trying so hard I thought it was funny. I don’t think by repeating it 10 times would help Nick to remember. He needs to pay attention to remember it. Tim bought me a book a while back about memory – ‘Thank you brain for what you remember, whatever you forget is my fault’. It’s a pretty interesting book and it explains that we tend to forget things when we are not paying attention. When I was doing my dorsiflexion exercises against the wall, I noticed that Nick is in a wheelchair with high back – like those ones I had when I was first admitted to MECRS. I also noticed there was something sticking out from the top of his pants, something looks like the edge of a nappy. I think he must be incontinent. I have been through all that last year as well. I often forget how bad I was before until I see someone in that situation which reminds me of what I was like before. I don’t think I had problem remembering names though.

Gavin wanted me to practice taking big steps when I’m walking. I told him last time that I had problem stepping over a metre wide drain on a farm in Canberra. He set up some sticks and a box for me to practice last week. Today, he asked me to practice without the actual obstacles on the floor. When I was practising, Gary, the patient who had spinal injury, commented that I couldn’t do that when I first got there. There were a lot of things I couldn’t do when I first got there. I actually didn’t feel very comfortable when he was just looking at me practising but I guess he’s just trying to be nice. It’s a bit like when Tim and I were training for ballroom dancing, you probaly wouldn’t believe all the things other dance couples tell you. I know I wouldn’t never tell people if they danced terribly. Gary carried on for a while until Gavin came over. Gary told Gavin that my step is definitely a metre. He said he is a builder so he knows about these things. Gavin told him he didn’t think it’s a metre. The two ended up having a bet. Gavin put stickers on the soles of my runners and put red ink on them so I would leave marks on the floor as I step. I was a bit embarrassed because a few people gathered to see what was happening. Gavin measured the marks on the floor and told us it’s 75 cm, not a metre. He turned around and told Gary that if he told me it’s ok to step over the drain because I can definitely step over a metre, I would have got my foot wet. I didn’t notice where this person came from but he said to Gary ‘ the only thing that’s a metre is your mouth!’. I couldn’t stop laughing because I think I agreed with him.

12 September 2005

Some good news from my appointment with the neurosurgeon this afternoon! He said my MRI showed that nothing has changed since my last scan. He said there is a tiny nodge of tumour left in there (from the scan)and he's not sure whether that's actually the left over tumour or maybe just the scar from the operation. Anyway, he said that's nothing to worry about. It's such a relief to find that out. I actually asked him where about in the brain it is. He showed me the scans and I could see the tiny white dot right in the middle of the brain. I have been worried about it for over a week now and even had nightmares about it. Prof Kaye said I'll have another scan in nine months time.

9 September 2005

I went to Epworth this morning for my usual physio session. I didn’t feel very energetic this morning because I had a bit of tempature last night and Lillian woke up in the middle of the night crying wanting to come to our bed. She got what she wanted in the end but it took me a while to get back to sleep. If I didn’t have physio this morning I think I would probably just stay in bed all day.

I suspect I have caught some kind of flu virus because I have been feeling quite tired over the past few days and also my body is really aching. Sometimes, it’s a bit hard for me to tell whether the aches are due to exercising or flu virus because I get muscle pains everyday from working so hard. Take my arm for example, although I had a massage plus I didn’t do any arm exercises in personal training yesterday, it is still sore from Wednesday’s workout. Today I feel even worse, not only I have a sore arm/shoulder, my leg is killing me, too. Thinking about my appointment with the neurosurgen next Monday doesn't help either. I'm actually quite nervous about my appointment because I'll findout my scan result then. I think I must be very stressed out about it because I even had a nightmare about it a few nights ago.

When I went to physio this morning, Gavin asked me how did I pull up from Wednesday’s session. I told him my shoulder is still sore. He asked me if it’s the soreness from the joints or from the muscles. I told him I couldn’t tell and just pointed the spot I felt it’s sore. He looked at it and said it’s exactly where I should feel it and it means the exercises are working.

After my usual warm up exercises, I reminded Gavin about what we talked about on Wednesday. I told him that I had problem stepping over a wide drain when we went to the farm in Canberra and he asked me to remind him today so he can get me to do some exercises. He set up a couple of sticks for me on the floor about 30 cm apart and asked me to walk from one end of the room and step over them. He said when we walk we normally scan what’s on the floor and then don’t need to look at it again but people who had brain injury don’t have that ability anymore so I will need to practice stepping over it but not keep looking down. I think that's probably true because I noticed that's what Lillian does now. One day, she was at one corner of the room and was walking towards me. There was something in the middle of the floor and I thought she was going to trip over because i didn't think she saw it. To my surprise, as she was walking towards the obstacle, she didn't even look down and she actually knew it was there and stepped over it. This shows that we must have a natural ability to do it. I think it's great to look at how Lillian develops because I'm learning a lot from her. I remember Danika, the OT from MECRS, used to remind me that when I'm reaching for an object, I should keep my wrist extended. i thought it's strange at the time but then I noticed that's how Lillian does it when she was about 7 months old. It must be a natural movement then.

I practiced that a few times and he gradually increased the distance between the two sticks and finally added a box in my path as well. I had to walk from one end of the room and step over the sticks and the box and walk towards the other end of the room.

I found the physio treatment room reminds me of a ballroom dancing studio where Tim and I used to go. I see the same faces every week and it's hard not to check out their progress. I noticed another patient of Gavin's there and i think she is walking so much better today. I don't know what happened to her but she used to swing her leg out like I did but today her leg stopped circumducting and she was able to flex her knee and drag her leg through.

After these exercises, Gavin set me up on a physio bed to do some arm/shoulder exercises. When I was doing the chest press, I told him that I do this in personal training as well because Mary said this is the same as doing the pushups against the wall. He said that’s right. I asked him why is it that I cannot stick my left elbow out as I’m pushing the weight upwards, is it because my tricep is weak or is it something else. He thinks it’s due to the weakness in my shoulder that prevents my elbow from sticking out because I don’t get much range of motion there.

This is only meant to be a short diary today because I think I should go back to bed and rest now :)

8 September 2005

I can finally get back to my blog now. I hope Tim has all the information the venture capital people needed. I put the last page of printout he needed in the folder this morning and felt a bit more relax. Fingers crossed, I hope this is all they wanted. I told Tim last night that I was getting quite sick and tired of it all. I wonder if this means I’m not quite ready to go back to work yet.

It’s a bit difficult to write up my blogs for the previous few days. I thought about writing the second part of 5th September blog but couldn’t remember all the things I was going to write about now. Maybe it makes more sense just to summarise it.

Well, John Olver, the rehabilitaion specilialist, agreed to refer me to see the OT. I guess I’ll need to follow it up at some stage.

On Tuesday morning, I went for my usual hydro at MECRS. I thought I finish next week – when I first sign up to join the self-help group, they told me each person can only go there for six months. I checked with the person who collects the money at the desk and she told me I have till end of September. I know I probably don’t need hydro these days and I think Gavin is right in saying that I can work a lot harder on land but I found the best way to check on my inversion is actually in the pool. When I first tried to swim, my ankle was inverting a lot. Over the last few months, I found that I could actually control the inversion a lot more than before. Last week, I don’t know what happened but my inversion started again when I tried to swim. Even Judy noticed that when she was doing the massage – sometimes my ankle inverts because of the pain (from massage).

I tried swimming again when I was in the hydro pool and to my surprise, my ankle didn’t invert at all. There were only five people in the group on Tuesday morning so I had a lot of space to swim.

When I was trying to finish the accounts stuff for Tim in the afternoon, the phone rang. It’s Tim on the phone letting me know that he’s stuck in a meeting and I’ll have to pick up Lillian from the childcare. The childcare closes at 6 p.m. He called at 5.30 p.m. It was very stressful to drive in peak hour traffic whith almost no petrol left in the tank as the petrol indicator lighted up. This is the first time I went to pick up Lillian from childcare. I haven’t done it before because she is so active now and I’m worried that she’ll run onto the busy road when we go to the car. I had to ask someone from the childcare centre to help me get her in the car. It’s not so bad once she’s in the car seat because when I parked in front of our house, I unfastened her seat belt and she was able to get herself out of the car and walk to the house.

I had my usual physio at Epworth on Wednesday morning. When I walked in there, Gavin was treating Sam, another patient of his. He told me to do a few laps of walking practice and then he told Libby, a physio assistant like Tracy, to take me outside and stretch out my calf a bit. He said he has a surprise for me when I come back. When I went back to the room after some calf stretches, he told Libby to take me outside for a walk. This is walking without my ankle brace on. I asked him if this was the surprise. He said yes and asked me if I was expecting a box of chocolates. I was actually expecting something a lot harder than this. It turned out that he asked Libby to time me while I walked outdoors on Erin Street on the footpath. When we were heading back, a woman came up to me and I realised it’s Florence from my Life Moves group when I was at MECRS. She said she saw me from a distance and recognised me. I asked her if she has caught up with anyone else in our group. She said I’m the first person in the group she saw. It’s always nice to see a familiar face but I couldn’t talk to her for long because I was in the middle of my physio session. When we got back, I checked Libby’s stop watch. She said it’s about 13 minutes or so but because I stopped and talked to someone so she should take off a minute or so. I asked Gavin if he knew har far I’ve just walked. He didn’t so he sent Libby back to measure the distance. I was told later that it was a 500 m walk.

I did more arm exercises and finished off with pushups against the wall. Just before my session finished, Gavin asked me how I went on Monday (with John). He told me he actually mentioned it to John in the morning (that I want to see an OT and a neuropsych) before my appointment. I was surprised that he actually remembered. I don’t think John remembered at all because he didn’t mention anything when I saw him. I told Gavin that John said my insurance won’t pay for the neuropsych so he’ll arrange it for me to go to a public hospital. Gavin was surprised and said he’ll check it for me from Lynn, the lady who organises all the rehab programs there. He said he thought my insurance is pretty good and should pay for this as well. He said Lynn is actually away sick but he will ask her to find out for me when she returns. I know this is not his business but I really appreicate that he takes the trouble to help. I think although he looks a bit scary (with his crew cut) but he is actually quite a nice person.

I had personal training this afternoon. I think Mary is actually getting better now because today she pushed me so hard that I almost didn’t think I could walk home afterwards. I think it's the leg press that did it. She added more weight on for me today to push me a bit harder.

5 September 2005

I had an appointment with the rehabilitation specialist, John Olver, at the Epworth, in the afternoon. I was meant to see him around end of June but postponed because I didn’t think there was any need for it. He was supposed to arrange for me to have a Botox before he went away to Sao Paolo for a conference. He must have forgotten because I never heard from him about it. I think Gavin is probably right that I don’t need a Botox so there was no need for me to see him back in June. Today, I want to ask him to refer me to see a neuropsychologist and a hand therapist. I spoke to Gavin on Friday about the hand therapist, who is also an OT, that Gary goes to. I asked Gavin about this person and he told me to ask John to talk to him about it because John doesn’t know Gary. I want to have a neuropsychologist test done again before I go back to work. I had one done before I came home from MECRS last September and I think it’s time to do another one just to see if there are any changes.

Tim couldn’t accompany me to see John because he is too busy with work. I went to my appointment on my own but was a bit worried that I didn’t have a backup person for moral support and also help me to digest all the information. I was surprised that my appointment was right on time. Normally I would have to wait for a while but today John came to fetch me from the waiting area right on the dot – 2 p.m. I asked him about his trip to Sao Paolo just to be polite and that kept the conversation going for a bit. He said he felt a bit uncomfortable walking on the streets in Sao Paolo. I told him that I know what he meant because I went to a conference with Tim there when we first got married and I found it a bit scary walking on the streets as well. I think ever since I left chartered accounting firms, I haven’t really tried to start up a conversation with people anymore. I used to have to do that with my clients and tried to keep good relationships with them. After I left chartered accounting, I felt there was no need to ‘suck up’ to anyone anymore. It’s good in a way but on the same token, I probably don’t make as much effort to talk to people like I used to. I think ever since my operation, I haven’t really tried to make an effort to talk to anyone at all. I don’t remember doing that at MECRS and I certainly haven’t at Epworth. It’s amazing the difference it makes. John seemed a lot more friendly to talk to now that we talked about Sao Paolo. His mobile rang during our meeting and to my surprise he actually didn’t answer it and switched it off straight away. He asked me how I was going and what can he do for me today. I told him I had a few questions for him. I told him that my massage therapist noticed that my left side (including the arm, hand, leg and foot) seemed to be colder than the left side and I wondered if that’s often the case with people who had brain injuries and whether it means I have bad blood circulation on the left side. At first, he misunderstood my question and thought I asked about the blood circulation in the brain and starting talking about something I thought sounded a bit strange. After I explained to him that I meant the blood circulation in the limbs, he told me that’s quite often the case with people who have weakness in one side. He said the weak side often doesn’t move as much as the other side so it often gets cold or swollen. He also said that weakness in the calf muscles sometimes makes the ankle swollen and he asked me if my ankle is swollen sometimes. I told him yes. Now I know why my ankle is sometimes swollen. Judy and I often wonder why my ankle is swollen but never really found out the answer.

I also told John that I want to see a neuropsychologist and have an assessment before I return to work. I told him that I had one done last September and it’s probably time to do another one. He said it’s very wise to do that but apparently the private health insurances won’t fund it so I either have to pay for it myself or he can try to arrange for me to go to a public hospital to do it. I asked him about the cost and he told me it’s probably around $400-$500 because the neuropsychologist charges by the hour and I would need a few hours to sit for the test and then the neuropsychologist will need to write up a report and that takes time as well. He asked me who was my neuropsychologist at MECRS. I told him the name and then he asked me who my doctor was there. I told him it’s Fary Khan. He said he knows her pretty well because he employef her at the Caulfield Medical Centre. He said he’ll speak to her to find out if she can arrange for me to see Sheryl at MECRS. He then asked if I got on with the neuropsychologist at MECRS ok. I thought that’s a strange question. I guess he must have heard something from Fary then. I wonder what he has heard about me because whatever it was, it would not have been nice. I’m sure Fary would not have told him about how incompentent the staff were and of course, they will always blame it on Jeff Kennett because he cut the funding etc. I told John that I doubt if MECRS can do anything for me while I come to Epworth for treatment because they would not get funding from the government. I told him that I had to stop everything at MECRS – physio, OT, swimming group etc, when I decided to come to Epworth. He said that’s a bit odd because that’s not how the funding works. He said often they don’t like people seeing different physios or OTs because they need to work in teams. For example, the OT often needs to talk to the physio about certain problem a patient may have.

I then asked him to refer me to see the OT who is also a hand therapist that Gavin mentioned before. I told John that I know my hand has recovered really well but there may be something wrong with it and unless I consult with an expert. I probably wouldn’t know what’s wrong with it. This is exactly what I told Gavin and he agreed. I don’t know why John gave me this strange look and told me that Tim and I expect 100% recovery but there is no guarantee. He said the adult brain is still plastic and can improve but there is no guarantee that I can get 100% recovery. I was very temptewd to tell him that he is right that I should not expect 100% recovery because the way Gavin is pushing me looks like I'm going to get 120% recovery. (TO BE CONTINUED)


NOTE:
There is some very urgent stuff I have to do for Tim. The venture capital people want to do a due diligence on his company so I have to prepare all the info they need. Tim said he only just received the request this morning and they want it by COB tomorrow. This is really stressful for me but I suppose it's just something I have to deal with. The diary/blog will have to wait until I get this done. I apologise for the delay to all my regular readers but I'm sure you'll understand.