7 March 2005
I've been feeling quite nervous the whole week about my appointment with Gavin this afternoon. I wasn't sure what he'll get me to do this afternoon but I know whatever that may be it would not be easy.
Tim and Lillian got up early because Lillian had to go to childcare today. I got up a bit later and made up some bottles for her. After they left, I started with the exercise bike and then some calf stretches and went back to bed after my breakfast. I just wanted to make sure I get enough rest before my appointment this afternoon.
I got up around 11 a.m. and had a quick shower and lunch. I called for a taxi just around 1 p.m. so I had enough time to get to Epworth by 2 p.m. The taxi turned up shortly but after I got in the taxi, the taxi driver asked me if I was in a hurry because he needs to use the bathroom and also to get some lunch. I told him that I just need to get to Epworth by 2 p.m. He stopped by the milkbar next to the pub on Royal Parade and I was waiting anxiously in the taxi. Fortunately he has stopped the metre because I don't think it would be fair for me to pay for the time he spent in the bathroom. While I was waiting for me, I read a notice in the taxi about the security camera. I didn't know there's one so I was trying to locate it. I looked around a bit trying to see where it could be and finally I saw something that I think it could be the camera just above the mirror. It was a very strange feeling staring into the camera knowing that someone on the other side could probably see what I was doing.
I got to Epworth about 1.30 p.m. - half an hour before my appointment. I sat at reception for a bit and then someone told me I could go to the physio treatment area (gym) to see whether Gavin is busy. When I went in there, Gavin was with another patient so he told me to sit down and wait. I sat down on a bench and was looking at what other patients were doing. It's not a big room so there were only two other patients there. One of them looked very young and seemed to have left side hemiplegia as well. Two physios were trying to get him to walk - this reminds me when I first started to learn to walk again. After he finished, they put him on a wheelchair with an arm gutter. There is a picture of this particular device in the textbook by Carr & Shepard - this is one of the shoulder pain prevention protocols mentioned in the book - a wheelchair with arm gutter that allows a patient's paralytic arm to be rested on it to ensure GH joint and forearm are supported in mid-rotation and the hand is prevented from rolling over at the wrist. I remember Tim was hassling the therapists at MECRS to provide me with something like that when I was first admitted there. They didn't have anything like it. This is the first time I've seen one apart from the picture in the textbook. It made me wonder if it was a mistake to send me to MECRS in the first place. It just doesn't have all the necessary equipments and I'm surprised that it's actually a teaching hospital. This could mean a difference between 100% recovery as opossed to 90% recovery.
When Gavin came back, he asked me to do some weight bearing exercises (on my right leg) to warm up. At first I thought he was a bit confused about which side was my weak side but he said this is just to prepare me for the stairs he'll get me to do in a minute. I did this for a little bit and then he got me to walk up the stairs. I didn't have too much problem going up except he noticed that I kept sticking out my left leg when I was going up. Coming down stairs was a was a real drag (literally). Like last time, Gavin asked another physio to stand behind me for support. I have been practising walking down the stairs at home but I had the rails and our stairs are not as steep and scary as these ones here. Gavin moved me right in the middle of the stairs so I had no rails to hold on to but as they were dragging me to step down I somehow managed to grab hold of the lamp (which is fixed to the rails) with my right hand - it must looked quite comical - two of them were trying to drag me down stairs but my body just refused to go with my feet. I could actually feel my weight was behind me - I was leaning on the physio who was standing behind me. When I finally reached the ground floor, I told Gavin that I really hate this. He relplied:"I know and you're going to be doing hundreds of this until you can do it!" I should know better. It's a bit like doing Neil's exercises, if I told him I really hate doing something or if something is really hard, he will get me to do it all the time until I can do it!
He then asked me to practice walking - try to take a bigger right step. I told him that I can do it more easily if I hold on to the rails or use my walking stick as support but he told me if I want to walk normally again, this is what I have to do. He left me there to practice by myself for a while. After a few laps, I thought I might use to rails for light support so I can take even bigger step with my right foot. Suddenly, I heard a voice from behind:" if you touch the rails again, I'm going to cut off your arms!". I didn't know Gavin was standing behind me watching and this gave me a fright - I actually jumped!
He got me to practice going up and down the stairs a few more times and I think I was getting better at it. The session just felt so long. I looked at the clock and couldn't believe that it's only been an hour - it felt like forever and I was feeling a bit tired. Gavin finally looked at the time and finished the session. I've made another appointment for Thursday morning. When he handed the walking stick back to me he told me I could carry it since I don't need it anyway. I was a bit relieved that the session has finished and I can finally go home. When I was walking to the taxi, I thought about what Gavin said about my walking stick but I thought since it's outdoor, I might just use it a little bit for balance. I should know better not to cheat! Half way to my taxi, Gavin stormed out from the other door and said:"I told you not to use the stick, you can carry it but can't use it!" I think I'll leave the stick home when I see him on Thursday.
When Tim got home, I told him about what happened in my physio session. He was quite amused. He thinks Gavin is good. He thinks anyone who pushes me is good!
We took Lillian to my parents after dinner. Tim has to run a workshop tomorrow and Wednesday and because it finishes at 6 p.m., it would be too late to pick up Lillian from childcare - it closes at 6 p.m. On our way back, I couldn't help talking about whether people see me as disabled. I mentioned to Tim that maybe I'm overexposed to it so when I see someone who walks with a limp or in a wheelchair, I don't think it's strange or think they are disabled. I told Tim that there are lots of amputees at MECRS and when I see them, my immediate reaction is never they are disabled but they have a limb missing (probably due to diabetes). Tim asked me who do I think is disabled then. I thought about it for a while and said Christopher Reeve. He thought my definition of disabled seems extreme. I don't know why I'm so obsessed about this subject. Maybe I should shift my focus on my rehab instead of wasting energy on this.
Tim and Lillian got up early because Lillian had to go to childcare today. I got up a bit later and made up some bottles for her. After they left, I started with the exercise bike and then some calf stretches and went back to bed after my breakfast. I just wanted to make sure I get enough rest before my appointment this afternoon.
I got up around 11 a.m. and had a quick shower and lunch. I called for a taxi just around 1 p.m. so I had enough time to get to Epworth by 2 p.m. The taxi turned up shortly but after I got in the taxi, the taxi driver asked me if I was in a hurry because he needs to use the bathroom and also to get some lunch. I told him that I just need to get to Epworth by 2 p.m. He stopped by the milkbar next to the pub on Royal Parade and I was waiting anxiously in the taxi. Fortunately he has stopped the metre because I don't think it would be fair for me to pay for the time he spent in the bathroom. While I was waiting for me, I read a notice in the taxi about the security camera. I didn't know there's one so I was trying to locate it. I looked around a bit trying to see where it could be and finally I saw something that I think it could be the camera just above the mirror. It was a very strange feeling staring into the camera knowing that someone on the other side could probably see what I was doing.
I got to Epworth about 1.30 p.m. - half an hour before my appointment. I sat at reception for a bit and then someone told me I could go to the physio treatment area (gym) to see whether Gavin is busy. When I went in there, Gavin was with another patient so he told me to sit down and wait. I sat down on a bench and was looking at what other patients were doing. It's not a big room so there were only two other patients there. One of them looked very young and seemed to have left side hemiplegia as well. Two physios were trying to get him to walk - this reminds me when I first started to learn to walk again. After he finished, they put him on a wheelchair with an arm gutter. There is a picture of this particular device in the textbook by Carr & Shepard - this is one of the shoulder pain prevention protocols mentioned in the book - a wheelchair with arm gutter that allows a patient's paralytic arm to be rested on it to ensure GH joint and forearm are supported in mid-rotation and the hand is prevented from rolling over at the wrist. I remember Tim was hassling the therapists at MECRS to provide me with something like that when I was first admitted there. They didn't have anything like it. This is the first time I've seen one apart from the picture in the textbook. It made me wonder if it was a mistake to send me to MECRS in the first place. It just doesn't have all the necessary equipments and I'm surprised that it's actually a teaching hospital. This could mean a difference between 100% recovery as opossed to 90% recovery.
When Gavin came back, he asked me to do some weight bearing exercises (on my right leg) to warm up. At first I thought he was a bit confused about which side was my weak side but he said this is just to prepare me for the stairs he'll get me to do in a minute. I did this for a little bit and then he got me to walk up the stairs. I didn't have too much problem going up except he noticed that I kept sticking out my left leg when I was going up. Coming down stairs was a was a real drag (literally). Like last time, Gavin asked another physio to stand behind me for support. I have been practising walking down the stairs at home but I had the rails and our stairs are not as steep and scary as these ones here. Gavin moved me right in the middle of the stairs so I had no rails to hold on to but as they were dragging me to step down I somehow managed to grab hold of the lamp (which is fixed to the rails) with my right hand - it must looked quite comical - two of them were trying to drag me down stairs but my body just refused to go with my feet. I could actually feel my weight was behind me - I was leaning on the physio who was standing behind me. When I finally reached the ground floor, I told Gavin that I really hate this. He relplied:"I know and you're going to be doing hundreds of this until you can do it!" I should know better. It's a bit like doing Neil's exercises, if I told him I really hate doing something or if something is really hard, he will get me to do it all the time until I can do it!
He then asked me to practice walking - try to take a bigger right step. I told him that I can do it more easily if I hold on to the rails or use my walking stick as support but he told me if I want to walk normally again, this is what I have to do. He left me there to practice by myself for a while. After a few laps, I thought I might use to rails for light support so I can take even bigger step with my right foot. Suddenly, I heard a voice from behind:" if you touch the rails again, I'm going to cut off your arms!". I didn't know Gavin was standing behind me watching and this gave me a fright - I actually jumped!
He got me to practice going up and down the stairs a few more times and I think I was getting better at it. The session just felt so long. I looked at the clock and couldn't believe that it's only been an hour - it felt like forever and I was feeling a bit tired. Gavin finally looked at the time and finished the session. I've made another appointment for Thursday morning. When he handed the walking stick back to me he told me I could carry it since I don't need it anyway. I was a bit relieved that the session has finished and I can finally go home. When I was walking to the taxi, I thought about what Gavin said about my walking stick but I thought since it's outdoor, I might just use it a little bit for balance. I should know better not to cheat! Half way to my taxi, Gavin stormed out from the other door and said:"I told you not to use the stick, you can carry it but can't use it!" I think I'll leave the stick home when I see him on Thursday.
When Tim got home, I told him about what happened in my physio session. He was quite amused. He thinks Gavin is good. He thinks anyone who pushes me is good!
We took Lillian to my parents after dinner. Tim has to run a workshop tomorrow and Wednesday and because it finishes at 6 p.m., it would be too late to pick up Lillian from childcare - it closes at 6 p.m. On our way back, I couldn't help talking about whether people see me as disabled. I mentioned to Tim that maybe I'm overexposed to it so when I see someone who walks with a limp or in a wheelchair, I don't think it's strange or think they are disabled. I told Tim that there are lots of amputees at MECRS and when I see them, my immediate reaction is never they are disabled but they have a limb missing (probably due to diabetes). Tim asked me who do I think is disabled then. I thought about it for a while and said Christopher Reeve. He thought my definition of disabled seems extreme. I don't know why I'm so obsessed about this subject. Maybe I should shift my focus on my rehab instead of wasting energy on this.
posted by Teresa Liu at 9:54 PM
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