28 February 2005

I didn't have any rehab appointments today. I woke up this morning feeling very tired because Lillian was a bit unsettled last night. I can't really remembered what happened but Tim said she was tossing and turning a lot and was keeping him awake so he put her in the cot next to our bed. She didn't like that and was crying a bit until I lost my patience and told Tim to put her back on our bed. My sleep was a bit interrupted.

I had my driving lesson around 12.30 p.m. I wasn't looking forward to this but the sooner I get my license back, the better. I had to remind the driving instructor to fit a spinner knob to the steering wheel, like what the OT driver assessor told me. I found it very hard to control the steering wheel with one hand, which is complicated with the spinner knob. The only time I found it useful is when I'm doing the parallel parking - when I need to turn the steering wheel very quickly. In the end, the instructor told me that maybe I don't need a spinner knob so in my next lesson, he'll get me to do the parking without one. I also asked him about when I can go for my test again, he said he'll arrange it with the OT driver assessor. We booked it for 21st March at this stage.

In the afternoon, Gillian, the case manager from ARBIAS, and Sophie, from City of Melbourne, came over to discuss what council services can I utilise. I didn't realise the city council actually provide so many different services - they can even get people to do shopping and pay bills for you. They asked me if I need help to do grocery shopping. I told them that I actually have someone does the shopping for me - I use Colesonline and order my grocery over the internet. I pay all the bills over the internet, too. They also told me that if I want, they can organise home care for me (for a fee) - someone can come over to do the vacuuming, mopping, cleaning and ironing for me. I didn't want to tell them that I actually do all that myself - I didn't want them to feel that the meeting is just a waste of their time. I told them what worries me most is actually caring for Lillian. If for any reason Lillian can't go to childcare then it would be very difficult for me to look after her by myself so I need some kind of backup. They told me they'll look into some kind of emergency nanny or carer for me. One thing they said they would do is to find a way to get Lillian admitted to the Wimble St childcare centre - which is just aross the road from us. I'm not sure if I want Lillian to go there anymore now that she is at the Melbourne Uni childcare and she seems to be quite happy there.

After they had gone, I was trying to start preparing some dinner. We have to go to Lillian's childcare this evening for the parents night so I just wanted to make sure dinner is almost done before we go. I planned to make some Teriyaki beef stir fry so it's quite simple. I cut up all the ingredients and put the rice on and all I had to do when we return was stir frying the whole lot in a wok. I actually felt quite uneasy about going to the parents night - I didn't really want to go because I didn't want Lillian to be embarrassed by me. The thought of other parents staring at me and wondering why I'm limping just terrifies me. It's the same feeling when I go to the church on Sundays - I hate it when people stare at me as I walk back from the communion. Tim finally persuaded me to go to the parents night. He doesn't think I should put my life on hold just because of this. I think he is right - I haven't done anything wrong and why should I be prevented from going anywhere just because some stupid insensitive people stare at me. I told him that I should have a T-shirt that says "Fxxx you. It could happen to you, too" because this is how I feel when people stare at me.

Tim got home around the usual time and found it amusing to see I was all ready to go. He said it was still early - parents night starts from 5.30 p.m. and it was only 5.00 p.m. I don't want to be the first one there but I'm not sure if I want to be the last one to arrive - I don't want everyone to see me limping all the way there. I waited for a while (anxiously) and finally, he said it's time we go. We got there reasonable early - there were only two other parents there. I think one of them is Helen, and the other one, Andrea. Helen's son, Zak, is in the same class with Lillian. I recognise the name - they put his bottle in Lillian's bag by mistake one day. Helen said Zak is very fond of Lillian and just follows her everywhere. It's good to know that Lillian has a friend noq. Lillian was very happy to see Tim - she ran over (all smiling) to him expecting him to pick her up. I spoke to the childcare worker, Mitra, a little bit. She said these kids are a lot better now - most of them are settled and don't cry all the time now. I was quite surprised to find that all these childcare workers seem to know the kids very well and remember what happened to them. For example, I was surprised that the director of the childcare , Cathy, came to ask me about Lillian's hives - she had hives a few weeks ago.

While the adults were chatting, the kids were having a great time with the food. They set up all the food (in plates) on a little table. Lillian loved being able to go up to the table and grab whatever she wants. At one stage, she probably thought I was starving - I sat on the only couch in the room and didn't bother getting any food. She kept getting food for me from the table - very sweet of her.

Helen was standing next to for a while and then just as I dreaded, she asked me if I had an operation with my ankle. I didn't really want to explain the details so I just said yes. She told me that her husband had an operation as well and it took him a while to recover. She seemed very nice and I didn't really want to bother her with the details. People don't normally understand the implications of a neurological disorder can have on one's motor skills and it's just all too hard to explain.

An hour went pass very quickly and the parents night was over. I'm glad I actually went. I think Lillian had a great time there. Tim told me afterwards that he was talking to the head of Melb. Uni childrens services and the guy told him that they have been watching Lillian very carefully because they think she is very special - she would often spend time by herself exploring the room. I'm glad to hear that, not just that she is special but also they actually take note of what she is doing while she is there.