7 April 2005
I didn't feel too well last night when I went to bed. I probably got something from Lillian again! Yesterday afternoon the phone rang as I was doing my walking practice. I answered and it was Tim on the phone. Apparently Lillian is unwell and the childcare called him to let him know. They told him she had a tempature of 39 C and had asked permission to give her some baby panadol. Tim made an appointment with the GP for her straight away except we have to be there by 5 pm and it was already 4.45 pm when he called. He asked me to drive to the childcare on Queensberry Street so they can meet me there. Fortunately I wasn't in the middle of cooking. I had to get my handbag and car key as quickly as possible and rushed into the car. As I was reversing, I noticed one of Tim's Polo shirt on the cloth line came with the car, too. It must be caught in the car door as I was getting in the car. I didn't have time to put it back on the cloth line so I opened the door and grabbed it. It's still damp so I just left it next to my handbag. I got to the childcare as quickly as I could. I saw Tim with Lillian outside the childcare. I saw a parking spot just before they were standing and decided to park there but Tim kept waving and directed me to go to the front. I don't know why he couldn't just walk back but there was no time to think about that so I tried to pull out into the main road but all the traffic was coming so I was going very slowly in the bike lane. I didn't notice that one car parked quite far away from the kerb and I heard a bang. I think my side mirror must have hit that car and was bent in. Fortunately, the mirror was not broken. We got to the GP on time and he said Lillian got some kind of flu but nothing to be worried about. I'm just glad that I got my driving licence back. It's time like this I really need it.
I had an appointment with Prema this morning so I got up around the same time and did my bike and mini trampoline. When it was about 11.15 am and there was no sight of Prema, I started to wonder whether I got the wrong date or time. I checked my diary and it says 11 a.m. so I called her just to see what's going on. It turned out that she thought our appointment was at 3 p.m. I told her no because I have an appointment with Judy at 3.30 p.m. She said she could get to my place by 12 pm if I wanted to. I thought I might as well. We continued with what we did last week. I told her about my meeting with John Olver and how disappointing that was. I also told her that both Tim and I think I need good quality walking practice. She agrees. I remember she mentioned before that 'practice does not make it perfect. it's perfect practice makes it perfect'. What I need is perfect practice. She went through some exercises with me - especially with tommy muscles. It's the one I really dislike - in four point kneeling. She then asked me to do some walking practice. She looked at my walking and corrected me as I went along.
I think I like Prema’s approach better. It’s fine for me to practice by myself but even with the mirror I cannot always tell what I’m doing wrong. I get much better feedback if someone can watch me and tell me what I’m doing wrong and try to fix it straight away. Otherwise, I feel I’m just reinforcing bad habit.
Judy came later in the afternoon and I told her about my bad meeting with John Olver yesterday. She was a bit concerned about me having a Botox. The first meeting I had with John, he suggested a Botox in the tib post muscle and then Gavin thought it’s the tib ant that does the inversion. When I asked John about that, he said he could inject both muscles and even soleus with Botox. I felt a bit uncomfortable that he couldn’t tell which one it is exactly. It’s no good just to say ok I’ll inject Botox in all the muscles because I know I can’t walk properly but it’s even worse if I can’t activate any muscles at all in my left leg. She thinks I should as John to explain all the possible implications of having the Botox. I think it’s a fair comment. I wished someone had explained to me prior to my operation. All I remember was I was trying to get out of having the surgery and Prof Kaye told me ‘if you don’t have an operation, you will die.’ In hindsight, if he told me this was going to happen to me after the operation, I think I would choose death instead of living like this. I don’t want to sound ungrateful but I don’t think anyone can understand or imagine what I’m going through. Tim always thinks I’m over exaggerating and I should just get over it. It’s easy for him to say but I’m sure he would not like to go out knowingly have a hole on the back of his pants. He doesn’t understand what it’s like to be stared at – the sort of stare when someone looks at you as if you are walking around with 2 heads or 3 arms.
I also told Judy that I had a pretty good session with Prema and I think she is better than Gavin in terms of correcting my walking. Judy told me she thinks Gavin has done me a lot of good. She can tell by how much my muscles have improved. She can also tell just by feeling the muscles that I haven’t work as hard this week because he is on holiday this week.
In the evening, Neil, Rosemary, Paul, Claudia, Tim and I went to the comedy festival. Tim booked some tickets to see David Callan in ‘I Spied’. The show was at the Victoria Hotel so we took a taxi there. When we got there, as I was getting off the taxi, there was a porter at the door and the way he stared at me made me feel very uncomfortable. I felt my leg was so stiff that I could hardly move. We had to walk to the foyer and it was very difficult to deal with people’s stares. If I had a gun I think I would have shot a lot of people. I just felt really angry that I think they have violated my right to go anywhere because they way they stared at me when I’m limping along. The more I worried about other people, the more tense I felt and I just couldn’t move. We waited for the others to turn up. Tim told Paul and Claudia to go and get us some seats while we waited for Neil. Rosemary said he went to get some hamburger because he didn’t have lunch or dinner. When we got to the room where the show was, Paul and Claudia saved some seats for us. We were seating in the 2nd row from the stage. I don’t think anyone would want to sit in the front row when going to a comedy just in case they get picked on. When the show started, the front row was empty so we became the first row. Rosemary went to the bathroom and when she came back the show had started already. When she opened the door, the comedian told her to come in and sit in the first row. Neil moved over next to Tim so she can sit down right next to him. The comedian asked what her name was but she didn’t tell him. He tried many times but she was so calm and just kept quiet. He picked on her and Neil for a while and then went on with the show. I think if he picked on me I would probably just burst into tears. I don’t mind people laugh with me but not laugh at me!
When we went home, I couldn’t help but thinking about how rude the porter was to stare at me like that. I went to bed and had a good cry.
I had an appointment with Prema this morning so I got up around the same time and did my bike and mini trampoline. When it was about 11.15 am and there was no sight of Prema, I started to wonder whether I got the wrong date or time. I checked my diary and it says 11 a.m. so I called her just to see what's going on. It turned out that she thought our appointment was at 3 p.m. I told her no because I have an appointment with Judy at 3.30 p.m. She said she could get to my place by 12 pm if I wanted to. I thought I might as well. We continued with what we did last week. I told her about my meeting with John Olver and how disappointing that was. I also told her that both Tim and I think I need good quality walking practice. She agrees. I remember she mentioned before that 'practice does not make it perfect. it's perfect practice makes it perfect'. What I need is perfect practice. She went through some exercises with me - especially with tommy muscles. It's the one I really dislike - in four point kneeling. She then asked me to do some walking practice. She looked at my walking and corrected me as I went along.
I think I like Prema’s approach better. It’s fine for me to practice by myself but even with the mirror I cannot always tell what I’m doing wrong. I get much better feedback if someone can watch me and tell me what I’m doing wrong and try to fix it straight away. Otherwise, I feel I’m just reinforcing bad habit.
Judy came later in the afternoon and I told her about my bad meeting with John Olver yesterday. She was a bit concerned about me having a Botox. The first meeting I had with John, he suggested a Botox in the tib post muscle and then Gavin thought it’s the tib ant that does the inversion. When I asked John about that, he said he could inject both muscles and even soleus with Botox. I felt a bit uncomfortable that he couldn’t tell which one it is exactly. It’s no good just to say ok I’ll inject Botox in all the muscles because I know I can’t walk properly but it’s even worse if I can’t activate any muscles at all in my left leg. She thinks I should as John to explain all the possible implications of having the Botox. I think it’s a fair comment. I wished someone had explained to me prior to my operation. All I remember was I was trying to get out of having the surgery and Prof Kaye told me ‘if you don’t have an operation, you will die.’ In hindsight, if he told me this was going to happen to me after the operation, I think I would choose death instead of living like this. I don’t want to sound ungrateful but I don’t think anyone can understand or imagine what I’m going through. Tim always thinks I’m over exaggerating and I should just get over it. It’s easy for him to say but I’m sure he would not like to go out knowingly have a hole on the back of his pants. He doesn’t understand what it’s like to be stared at – the sort of stare when someone looks at you as if you are walking around with 2 heads or 3 arms.
I also told Judy that I had a pretty good session with Prema and I think she is better than Gavin in terms of correcting my walking. Judy told me she thinks Gavin has done me a lot of good. She can tell by how much my muscles have improved. She can also tell just by feeling the muscles that I haven’t work as hard this week because he is on holiday this week.
In the evening, Neil, Rosemary, Paul, Claudia, Tim and I went to the comedy festival. Tim booked some tickets to see David Callan in ‘I Spied’. The show was at the Victoria Hotel so we took a taxi there. When we got there, as I was getting off the taxi, there was a porter at the door and the way he stared at me made me feel very uncomfortable. I felt my leg was so stiff that I could hardly move. We had to walk to the foyer and it was very difficult to deal with people’s stares. If I had a gun I think I would have shot a lot of people. I just felt really angry that I think they have violated my right to go anywhere because they way they stared at me when I’m limping along. The more I worried about other people, the more tense I felt and I just couldn’t move. We waited for the others to turn up. Tim told Paul and Claudia to go and get us some seats while we waited for Neil. Rosemary said he went to get some hamburger because he didn’t have lunch or dinner. When we got to the room where the show was, Paul and Claudia saved some seats for us. We were seating in the 2nd row from the stage. I don’t think anyone would want to sit in the front row when going to a comedy just in case they get picked on. When the show started, the front row was empty so we became the first row. Rosemary went to the bathroom and when she came back the show had started already. When she opened the door, the comedian told her to come in and sit in the first row. Neil moved over next to Tim so she can sit down right next to him. The comedian asked what her name was but she didn’t tell him. He tried many times but she was so calm and just kept quiet. He picked on her and Neil for a while and then went on with the show. I think if he picked on me I would probably just burst into tears. I don’t mind people laugh with me but not laugh at me!
When we went home, I couldn’t help but thinking about how rude the porter was to stare at me like that. I went to bed and had a good cry.
posted by Teresa Liu at 9:11 PM
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