26 October 2006
I haven't updated my blog for a while. It's mainly because I have been feeling quite depressed lately. Just last week I suddenly found that the old feeling of ' I don't want to be alive anymore' has come back again. I haven't felt like that for quite a while now. Not since I have become a gym junkie. I'm still busy with lots of gym sessions and classes but I think the fact that Gavin really irritates me these days doesn't help in my rehab.
I used to think he is great but now when I go to physio I feel that he just neglects me and pay far more attention to other patients. I hate it when he is starting to sound like John Olver and other rehab specialists as well. Last week, he told me that he doesn't think I'll ever be able to skip. Not that I care very much whether I can skip or not because how often do you need to skip in every day life? I can't stand the negative prognosis. To make the matter worse, he implied that my progress has plateaued (I think he meant running) and he told me that sometimes I just need to do something different to make a change. He told me about some guy whose running has plateaued until he got a dog and he startyed taking the dog for a run and his suddenly improved. I felt like telling him where to go because I don't think my running has plateaued, it's just that he spent far more time with his other patient, Chris and didn't really care how I ran. In fact, when I went to physio yesterday, Chris was there from 1 pm. He had physio from 1 to 2 with his arm and from 2 to 3 he was in the running group. He was still there when I left. Gavin didn't spend any time look at my running. He just left me with another physio or exercise physiologist, Jacquline. In a way, I think it's better because I had an hour of one on one session with her and for the first time, I can actually run in a straight line. I have never been able to run in a straight line before and Gavin was always saying that I have perceptual spatial problem etc. heard them talking about me and I think Gavin said something about my problem being quite severe but I couldn't hear all the details. I was a bit upset at first when Gavin spent the whole hour with other patients but then I remember what Neil told me a while ago when I was upset that one day I spent the whole hour on my own in the running group because Gavin was away and Chris, the exercise physiologist had taken everyone else to the oval and because I can't run outdoors I was left on my own. I spent the whole hour running on my own without any coaching and my running really improved since then. I complained to Neil that I had such a bad day in rehab and he told me that I should just focus on my progress. When I was upset yesterday that Gavin spent the whole hour looking at other patients' running I thought abo confronting him and just give him a piece of my mind but then I remembered what Neil said ' just focus on the progress' and I followed his advice. I think it was good that Jacqueline spent the whole hour with me helping me with running because I would not have made such progress otherwise. Gavin will be away for the next two weeks so I will see Jacqueline instead. I think it's good to have a change.
I now feel that maybe rehab is a bit like working in accounting firms - same shit, differenyt bucket. I used to think that maybe I would have made more progress if I had gone to Epworth in the first place but now I think I would probably just be the same if not worse. In fact, I suspect I might even be worse because I don't think I would have a functional left arm judging by what other patients are like there. I think Neil and Rosemary make much better therapists compare to the rehab experts. I also mentioned to Tim that I used to think Fary, the rehab specialist at MECRS, was bad but I think John is just as bad. They are both pessimistic but the difference is Fary at least wants to be liked so she tends to be nice to people. John, on the other hand, doesn't give a damn about how other people think of him so he can be a real dickhead sometimes.
Another reason for me to update the blog is due to something really funny happened yesterday and I must mention it. I almost killed someone at the gym yesterday. I was in the middle of doing some exercise with Unna and then she left me there to do something on my own while she had to go to the office for something. There I was in the heavy weight area using a weight bench for my exercise when a guy came over and asked me to be his spotter. I wasn't sure what a spotter is for so I asked him what does he want me to do. He told me just 'spot' for him. I told him I don't know how so he told me I just need to watch him. I thought, 'ok, I guess I can just watch him'. I went over to his bench, he was doing bench press with 40 kg plates plus the bar - all together probably about 60 kg. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do so I just stood there and watched him like he asked me to. He looked pretty tired by the end of the first set and couldn't put the bar back on the rack and he was looking at me for help... I thought ' you've got to be kidding me... what do you expect me to do... I couldn't possibly lift up 60 kg of weight'. His face turned red and was really struggling... I thought about just walk away and get back to my exercises when Unna returned and saved him.
I used to think he is great but now when I go to physio I feel that he just neglects me and pay far more attention to other patients. I hate it when he is starting to sound like John Olver and other rehab specialists as well. Last week, he told me that he doesn't think I'll ever be able to skip. Not that I care very much whether I can skip or not because how often do you need to skip in every day life? I can't stand the negative prognosis. To make the matter worse, he implied that my progress has plateaued (I think he meant running) and he told me that sometimes I just need to do something different to make a change. He told me about some guy whose running has plateaued until he got a dog and he startyed taking the dog for a run and his suddenly improved. I felt like telling him where to go because I don't think my running has plateaued, it's just that he spent far more time with his other patient, Chris and didn't really care how I ran. In fact, when I went to physio yesterday, Chris was there from 1 pm. He had physio from 1 to 2 with his arm and from 2 to 3 he was in the running group. He was still there when I left. Gavin didn't spend any time look at my running. He just left me with another physio or exercise physiologist, Jacquline. In a way, I think it's better because I had an hour of one on one session with her and for the first time, I can actually run in a straight line. I have never been able to run in a straight line before and Gavin was always saying that I have perceptual spatial problem etc. heard them talking about me and I think Gavin said something about my problem being quite severe but I couldn't hear all the details. I was a bit upset at first when Gavin spent the whole hour with other patients but then I remember what Neil told me a while ago when I was upset that one day I spent the whole hour on my own in the running group because Gavin was away and Chris, the exercise physiologist had taken everyone else to the oval and because I can't run outdoors I was left on my own. I spent the whole hour running on my own without any coaching and my running really improved since then. I complained to Neil that I had such a bad day in rehab and he told me that I should just focus on my progress. When I was upset yesterday that Gavin spent the whole hour looking at other patients' running I thought abo confronting him and just give him a piece of my mind but then I remembered what Neil said ' just focus on the progress' and I followed his advice. I think it was good that Jacqueline spent the whole hour with me helping me with running because I would not have made such progress otherwise. Gavin will be away for the next two weeks so I will see Jacqueline instead. I think it's good to have a change.
I now feel that maybe rehab is a bit like working in accounting firms - same shit, differenyt bucket. I used to think that maybe I would have made more progress if I had gone to Epworth in the first place but now I think I would probably just be the same if not worse. In fact, I suspect I might even be worse because I don't think I would have a functional left arm judging by what other patients are like there. I think Neil and Rosemary make much better therapists compare to the rehab experts. I also mentioned to Tim that I used to think Fary, the rehab specialist at MECRS, was bad but I think John is just as bad. They are both pessimistic but the difference is Fary at least wants to be liked so she tends to be nice to people. John, on the other hand, doesn't give a damn about how other people think of him so he can be a real dickhead sometimes.
Another reason for me to update the blog is due to something really funny happened yesterday and I must mention it. I almost killed someone at the gym yesterday. I was in the middle of doing some exercise with Unna and then she left me there to do something on my own while she had to go to the office for something. There I was in the heavy weight area using a weight bench for my exercise when a guy came over and asked me to be his spotter. I wasn't sure what a spotter is for so I asked him what does he want me to do. He told me just 'spot' for him. I told him I don't know how so he told me I just need to watch him. I thought, 'ok, I guess I can just watch him'. I went over to his bench, he was doing bench press with 40 kg plates plus the bar - all together probably about 60 kg. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do so I just stood there and watched him like he asked me to. He looked pretty tired by the end of the first set and couldn't put the bar back on the rack and he was looking at me for help... I thought ' you've got to be kidding me... what do you expect me to do... I couldn't possibly lift up 60 kg of weight'. His face turned red and was really struggling... I thought about just walk away and get back to my exercises when Unna returned and saved him.
posted by Teresa Liu at 11:10 PM
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