12 September 2006
First update in over a month. I had no idea that I haven't updated my diary for so long until I looked up when was my last diary entry. I guess I have been EXTREMELY busy with rehab and also work. Three or four weeks ago I had about 20 hours of training - including physio sessions at Epworth. I was completetly wracked by the end of the week. In fact, I was so tired that I fell over when I was trying to put a 20kg plate on the leg press at the gym and twisted my ankle.
I have always found it hard to lift up the 20kg plate and put it on the machine on my own until a few weeks ago. I think my wrists are getting stronger from boxing so I started to manage putting those big plates on the machine on my own a few weeks ago. I think I over estimated myself on that day. I managed to put one 20kg plate on one side but when I was trying to put another 20kg plate on the other side, my wrist gave in and I just couldn't hold it. It was very close - only about 1/2 inch away. I decided to drop the plate to the floor and tried another plate. I can't pick it up once it's on the floor because I had to bend over and lift it which is a lot harder to do than lifting it off the weight rack. I tried another one and another one... Finally, I tried the last one on the rack but I think I tried too hard and my ankle started inverting and I lost my balance and fell over. I still had the 20kg plate in my arms when I fell. I was totally embarrassed since the gym was quite crowded. I was lucky that the plate didn't land on top of me. I got up andleft the plate lying on the floor. To my surprise, nobody seemed to have noticed. I looked around and nobody stopped to look and nobody came over to see if I was ok. I think maybe people didn't want to embarrass me. A gym staff came over later to see if I was ok. I think he must have seen it from the monitor.
I didn't realise the fall actually twisted my ankle until I was walking home. My foot was really hurting. Every step I took caused pain. Fortunately, I had an appointment with Gavin on that day so he could have a look at my ankle. When I got to physio at Epworth, I told Gavin I had a little accident and asked him to check my ankle for me. He looked at it and said there was no swelling and I just strained the muscle a bit and there is no real damage done. He said if I was a footballer, the coach would have told me to continue playing because there is not much damage done.
One thing I forgot to mention previously is that I think my interests have changed since the operation. The people I used to get along well seem like different people now. I notice this more recently that sometimes I feel I have nothing in common with my friends at work. There is a group of us and we always have lunch together. They visited me almost every week when I was in hospital. I think we used to have so much to talk about but now I just feel the things they're interested in don't interest me anymore. I think I have also lost interests in fashion. I guess it's quite easy when you can only wear runners. There is no hassel to think about matching shoes and handbags. I find it quite funny when people tell me that forgot their ID or walltes etc because they change their handbags to match their shoes. Well, I guess I don't have that problem anymore. I often reflect on this on my way to physio at Epworth. The hospital is right in the centre of Bridge Road - a place full of fashion factory outlets and boutiques. I think in the past, I probably wouldn't have made it to my appointment because I'd be so distracted by all the shops. Now I can drive pass the shops and wouldn't even blink.
Another thing to update on is I have been getting a lot of help from Unna, a girl who works at the gym that I go to. She used to be an exercise physiologist working in rehab so she had some experience with people like me. She found out about me through Erica, the Cardio Box instructor on Saturday. She and Erica used to work together and apparently Erica told her about me. She approached me at the gym one day. At first, I thought she was just another annoying person who wanted to use the elliptical machine I was on but later found out that she actually works there. She told me maybe there are some exercises she can show me just to compliment my current gym program. I took up the offer and have been seeing her for a few weeks now. It is very nice of her to help me given her background in neuro rehab at Caulfiled Medical Centre.
I have to apologise to my readers that this diary entry seems a bit patchy. I first started wrting it on 26 August but never got around to finish until now. Tim has gone to the U.S. for 10 days and Lillian is at my parents' place. I suddenly seem to have a lot more time. Also, I normally see Prema around now but today she cancelled our appointment because she is sick. I thought I'd better use this block of time to pudate my diary or else I'll never get it done.
I had an appointment with my rehab specialist, John Olver, last Wednesday. Gavin is still away in Europe but he has arranged for me to go to the running group on Wednesdays. It works out better for me to go to physio or running group first before I see John because the hospital charges my private health insurance but pays for my parking at the hospital carpark. Otherwise, parking is a real headache in that area. I told John that I was a bit concerned that the occupational physician thought I may never be able to return to full time work because of fatique issues. I told him that it's ok to work part time for now because I get time to do my rehab (I was tempted to mention my 'addictions' as well but thought it'd be unwise to tell him) but eventually I'd like to go back to full time. He basically started the negative prognosis again and told me that the brain damage is permanent and irreversable so he didn't think I'll ever overcome the fique problem to work full time again. Or, if I can manage working full time, I'd be so tired after work and I wouldn't be able to enjoy family life. The second point may be valid but the fatique comment is totally bullshit. I didn't want to argue with him because I still need him to advocate for me. I want to be able to delay increasing my working hours as long as possible so I can concentrate on my rehab. I'm really upset about the fatique issue because this is exactly what I feel about how the specialists don't tell their patients about - that they can overcome fatique but they will have to work their butt off to improve their fitness level to achieve that. All they tell you is 'you can never do ...etc' which is quite flawed. I hate to think how many people actually believed that and didn't bother working hard and it really became self fufilling prophecy. He also told me that many people who have ABI can never run and you can only tell them that they(the doctors) can help them walk better but they will never run. I was schocked to hear that but he said again that many of them just can never run. He added ' although, Gavin doesn't think that some of them can't run.. he thinks that they all can run...'. I'm glad that Gavin is not as negative because can you imagine how many patients would suffer if he is as negative as the doctors. I think with him, it's usually the opposite. He won't allow his patients saying ' I can't' do something. Every time he asked me to do something and if I said I can't, I'd get into trouble. He told me I should say ' I find that challenging' but I'm not allowed to say ' I can't'. There was a stage that he said every time I say 'I can't' I'll have to buy him a Freddo Frog. I don't think I say that anymore or even think that way ever since I found my new 'addiction'. Compared with the things I do in the group fitness classes, the stuff I do in physio seems a lot easier. Also, I actually enjoy being challenged these days. I think my new found 'addiction' has also made me tougher. Tim thinks so, too.
I wonder if there is any research done on brain injuries and fatique. Doctors always think fatique is a chronic problem for people who have had brain injuries but from my personal experience I found that my endurance improves as my fitness improves and fatique semms less of an issue now. Tuesdays are usually my hardest working day - I go to BodyPump class first thing in the morning and then gym session after the class and then I'd go home for a quick shower and lunch and then back to Cardio Box and then Fitball class. I usually see Prema after the Fitball class and then back to the sports centre for BodyBalance class. This means between 6 to 8 hours of training on this day. I found it extremely hard when I first started doing this but now I think I'm more used to it. I said to Tim many times that sometimes I dread Tuesdays more than I dread going to work because compare to what I do on Tuesdays, work is actually quite easy.
I remember asking Gavin last June or July on what do I need to do to get better. I remember him telling me that I'll need to work at the gym very hard until I'm absoultely knackered then I'll get better. I didn't really understand what he meant back then but I think now I start to appreciate that. Basically, you need to work yourself to the ground and as your fitness level improves it takes a lot more to work yourself to the ground so you will need to increase the intensity more.
From this Thursday, I'll have to work at the office. I have been working on Thursdays from home but the occupational physician said I should start to work at the office and also gradually increasing the hours on Thursdays to 5 hours. I think I should be able to handle that. It's just a bit of hassel to rearrange my massage appointments with Judy since she has been doing home visits until now. I guess I shouldn't complain because I have had it pretty good on Thursdays. I would go to the gym and class first before coming home and logging on and work from home for a few hours.
I have always found it hard to lift up the 20kg plate and put it on the machine on my own until a few weeks ago. I think my wrists are getting stronger from boxing so I started to manage putting those big plates on the machine on my own a few weeks ago. I think I over estimated myself on that day. I managed to put one 20kg plate on one side but when I was trying to put another 20kg plate on the other side, my wrist gave in and I just couldn't hold it. It was very close - only about 1/2 inch away. I decided to drop the plate to the floor and tried another plate. I can't pick it up once it's on the floor because I had to bend over and lift it which is a lot harder to do than lifting it off the weight rack. I tried another one and another one... Finally, I tried the last one on the rack but I think I tried too hard and my ankle started inverting and I lost my balance and fell over. I still had the 20kg plate in my arms when I fell. I was totally embarrassed since the gym was quite crowded. I was lucky that the plate didn't land on top of me. I got up andleft the plate lying on the floor. To my surprise, nobody seemed to have noticed. I looked around and nobody stopped to look and nobody came over to see if I was ok. I think maybe people didn't want to embarrass me. A gym staff came over later to see if I was ok. I think he must have seen it from the monitor.
I didn't realise the fall actually twisted my ankle until I was walking home. My foot was really hurting. Every step I took caused pain. Fortunately, I had an appointment with Gavin on that day so he could have a look at my ankle. When I got to physio at Epworth, I told Gavin I had a little accident and asked him to check my ankle for me. He looked at it and said there was no swelling and I just strained the muscle a bit and there is no real damage done. He said if I was a footballer, the coach would have told me to continue playing because there is not much damage done.
One thing I forgot to mention previously is that I think my interests have changed since the operation. The people I used to get along well seem like different people now. I notice this more recently that sometimes I feel I have nothing in common with my friends at work. There is a group of us and we always have lunch together. They visited me almost every week when I was in hospital. I think we used to have so much to talk about but now I just feel the things they're interested in don't interest me anymore. I think I have also lost interests in fashion. I guess it's quite easy when you can only wear runners. There is no hassel to think about matching shoes and handbags. I find it quite funny when people tell me that forgot their ID or walltes etc because they change their handbags to match their shoes. Well, I guess I don't have that problem anymore. I often reflect on this on my way to physio at Epworth. The hospital is right in the centre of Bridge Road - a place full of fashion factory outlets and boutiques. I think in the past, I probably wouldn't have made it to my appointment because I'd be so distracted by all the shops. Now I can drive pass the shops and wouldn't even blink.
Another thing to update on is I have been getting a lot of help from Unna, a girl who works at the gym that I go to. She used to be an exercise physiologist working in rehab so she had some experience with people like me. She found out about me through Erica, the Cardio Box instructor on Saturday. She and Erica used to work together and apparently Erica told her about me. She approached me at the gym one day. At first, I thought she was just another annoying person who wanted to use the elliptical machine I was on but later found out that she actually works there. She told me maybe there are some exercises she can show me just to compliment my current gym program. I took up the offer and have been seeing her for a few weeks now. It is very nice of her to help me given her background in neuro rehab at Caulfiled Medical Centre.
I have to apologise to my readers that this diary entry seems a bit patchy. I first started wrting it on 26 August but never got around to finish until now. Tim has gone to the U.S. for 10 days and Lillian is at my parents' place. I suddenly seem to have a lot more time. Also, I normally see Prema around now but today she cancelled our appointment because she is sick. I thought I'd better use this block of time to pudate my diary or else I'll never get it done.
I had an appointment with my rehab specialist, John Olver, last Wednesday. Gavin is still away in Europe but he has arranged for me to go to the running group on Wednesdays. It works out better for me to go to physio or running group first before I see John because the hospital charges my private health insurance but pays for my parking at the hospital carpark. Otherwise, parking is a real headache in that area. I told John that I was a bit concerned that the occupational physician thought I may never be able to return to full time work because of fatique issues. I told him that it's ok to work part time for now because I get time to do my rehab (I was tempted to mention my 'addictions' as well but thought it'd be unwise to tell him) but eventually I'd like to go back to full time. He basically started the negative prognosis again and told me that the brain damage is permanent and irreversable so he didn't think I'll ever overcome the fique problem to work full time again. Or, if I can manage working full time, I'd be so tired after work and I wouldn't be able to enjoy family life. The second point may be valid but the fatique comment is totally bullshit. I didn't want to argue with him because I still need him to advocate for me. I want to be able to delay increasing my working hours as long as possible so I can concentrate on my rehab. I'm really upset about the fatique issue because this is exactly what I feel about how the specialists don't tell their patients about - that they can overcome fatique but they will have to work their butt off to improve their fitness level to achieve that. All they tell you is 'you can never do ...etc' which is quite flawed. I hate to think how many people actually believed that and didn't bother working hard and it really became self fufilling prophecy. He also told me that many people who have ABI can never run and you can only tell them that they(the doctors) can help them walk better but they will never run. I was schocked to hear that but he said again that many of them just can never run. He added ' although, Gavin doesn't think that some of them can't run.. he thinks that they all can run...'. I'm glad that Gavin is not as negative because can you imagine how many patients would suffer if he is as negative as the doctors. I think with him, it's usually the opposite. He won't allow his patients saying ' I can't' do something. Every time he asked me to do something and if I said I can't, I'd get into trouble. He told me I should say ' I find that challenging' but I'm not allowed to say ' I can't'. There was a stage that he said every time I say 'I can't' I'll have to buy him a Freddo Frog. I don't think I say that anymore or even think that way ever since I found my new 'addiction'. Compared with the things I do in the group fitness classes, the stuff I do in physio seems a lot easier. Also, I actually enjoy being challenged these days. I think my new found 'addiction' has also made me tougher. Tim thinks so, too.
I wonder if there is any research done on brain injuries and fatique. Doctors always think fatique is a chronic problem for people who have had brain injuries but from my personal experience I found that my endurance improves as my fitness improves and fatique semms less of an issue now. Tuesdays are usually my hardest working day - I go to BodyPump class first thing in the morning and then gym session after the class and then I'd go home for a quick shower and lunch and then back to Cardio Box and then Fitball class. I usually see Prema after the Fitball class and then back to the sports centre for BodyBalance class. This means between 6 to 8 hours of training on this day. I found it extremely hard when I first started doing this but now I think I'm more used to it. I said to Tim many times that sometimes I dread Tuesdays more than I dread going to work because compare to what I do on Tuesdays, work is actually quite easy.
I remember asking Gavin last June or July on what do I need to do to get better. I remember him telling me that I'll need to work at the gym very hard until I'm absoultely knackered then I'll get better. I didn't really understand what he meant back then but I think now I start to appreciate that. Basically, you need to work yourself to the ground and as your fitness level improves it takes a lot more to work yourself to the ground so you will need to increase the intensity more.
From this Thursday, I'll have to work at the office. I have been working on Thursdays from home but the occupational physician said I should start to work at the office and also gradually increasing the hours on Thursdays to 5 hours. I think I should be able to handle that. It's just a bit of hassel to rearrange my massage appointments with Judy since she has been doing home visits until now. I guess I shouldn't complain because I have had it pretty good on Thursdays. I would go to the gym and class first before coming home and logging on and work from home for a few hours.
posted by Teresa Liu at 11:43 PM
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