10 August 2006
I had my appointment with Bernadette,the occupational physician yesterday morning. I have been feeling really anxious about this meeting for weeks and as the time got closer, I was getting more and more anxious. I woke up at around 4 am yestderday morning and just couldn't sleep. I know my work hours will definitely change but I just don't know how much change there will be.
I got up at 5.30 a.m., went to the gym at 6.30 a.m. and then my usual pilates class at 7.30 a.m. I was trying to do as much exercise as possible and hopeing that exercises will block my worries for a while.
I decided to dress up a bit so even though I have to wear runners, at least I look professional when people don't look down at my feet. I know the occupational physician commented in my report last time describing me as 'neat looking'. I guess presentation is important in this kind of meetings. I packed my lunch and some gym clothes for physio as well because I didn't know how long this would take and I had to go to Epworth for physio by 1.30 p.m.
This time, she didn't keep me waiting for too long like last time. I was surprised to find that John Olver, the rehab specialist from Epworth actually replied to her queries. Gavin told me John wouldn't write a report without asking him first but I guess he is wrong this time. I don't know what he wrote but I thought it's a bit inappropriate for me to ask to see the letter.
She asked me how have I been at work and how do I feel about my work hours. I couldn't tell her I'm still tired or I think it will really jepordise my postition at work so I told her I found it's good to have a routine and I'm getting more used to it now so I'm coping better. She pointed out that I work 4 to 5 hours at the office on Mondays and 2 to 3 hours at home on Thursdays. I told her that's right but I have been pushing myself to work 5 hours on Mondays and 3 hours on Thursdays because there is no point in going backwards. She said she knows I'm always trying to be an achiever. I don't know whether I was setting the right tone there but I thought it's probably better to project the image that I'm trying to work more hours. I told her that my goal is to get back to full time work eventually. She said based on the prognosis, it's most unlikely that I will be able to do that because of fatique. I told her prognosis is only based on statistics but everyone is different so it may not be true. I also told her that based on my own rehab experience, initially, they told me I may never be able to walk again or lift my left arm above my head but that has been proven wrong. It all depends on how hard you work. I don't think she likes that at all. Being a doctor, I guess she likes to tell people that the prognosis are always based on their 'expert experience' and therefore, they are never wrong. I really hated it when she kept saying most of the recoveries happen withinthe first 2 years and I have already past the 2 years mark so it's unlikely there will be significant recovery. There was no point in upsetting her or arguing with her because my aim is to delay working more hours as long as I can so I can have time to do my rehab. Isnt' it so wrong for the doctors to think that no significant recovery can occur after 2 years? I think I'm improving all the time and I know Gavin doesn't believe in that theory either.
She asked me how did I find the 5 hours work on Mondays. I told her I'm coping ok with that. She then asked me what do I normally do after work when I get home. I didn't want to tell her my normal routine when I get home on Monday is to prepare a 3 course meal and then go to 2 aerobics classes and be back in time to watch 'Desparate Housewives'. I told her I normally have a bit of rest and then I'd do chores. She asked me what kind of chores. I told her ' oh, just preparing some simple dinner'. I can never tell her what I really do on the Mondays such as getting up at 5.30 a.m. and go to the gym before I go to work and when I come home, I would spend a few hours preparing dinner before going to my classes.
She told me I will have to work at the office on Thursdays. I knew this was going to happen anyway but I was trying to pick a different day so I can keep Thursdays to see my massage therapist, Judy. It's going to be hard without my weekly massage. Unfortunately, it's really not up to me. I told her I might work on Tuesdays but based on her 'expert' opinion, I should stick to the Thursdays. She suggested that I work 4 hours at the office on Thursdays but I mangaged to pursuade her that I should start from 2 hours for a few weeks first. I'm not even sure if she will definitely recommend this in her report or will she stick to her original suggestion. I have to see her report to be sure. When I saw her last time, she said she was goint to suggest that I should be able to start work later to avoid peak hour traffic but the dumb bitch (excuse my language) didn't and she commented that I was very vague with certain dates. I'm upset because I don't think I was vague at all and it's just that she had to aplly her 'expert''common' knowledge that my memory was affected by the brain injury. I have decided that I really hate doctor - most doctors at least. Neurosurgeons are ok. They are not as dumb as the rehab specialists or occupational physicians.
Anyway, enough complaints. I was told that I will go back to see her again in November.
When I told Gavin about the news, he thought it's good news if she thinks I may never go back full time. He thought if that's the case then the pressure is off me. I was quite upset and told him off. I guess I have always been ambitious so the thought of not working full time sort of upset me. I know I'm the sort of person that always want my cake and eat it too.
I have to mentin it in the blog because every time I see many patients at Epworth, it just makes me realise that I'm so lucky that my arm doesn't look like theirs. I'm really very very grateful for Neil's and Rosemary's help. I think it's a shame that arms are often neglected in rehab.
I went to a Fitball class this morning. I met the instructor many weeks ago in Cardio Box class. She asked me what happened to my foot when she saw me wearing an ankle brace. I told her I had a stroke. I found out that she teaches Tai Box and fitball. She suggested that I try out the fitball class and knowing that I have to go to the office on Thursdays in future, I thought I should at least try it out when I still can. I must say it's one of the hardest classes I have ever been. After that embarrassing incient in Pilates class, I have been keeping away from those fitballs. This is the first time I tried since that day. I still had a lot of difficultiles staying balanced on the ball on my stomach but at least this time I didn't bounce off the ball.
I love going to different classes because I'm acquiring new skills all the time. Another thing that Bernadette mentioned is that I may find it difficult to learn new things.I suspect she is referring to my mental capacity but I know with pysical activities it may take me longer to learn than normal people but I know I can improve.
I got up at 5.30 a.m., went to the gym at 6.30 a.m. and then my usual pilates class at 7.30 a.m. I was trying to do as much exercise as possible and hopeing that exercises will block my worries for a while.
I decided to dress up a bit so even though I have to wear runners, at least I look professional when people don't look down at my feet. I know the occupational physician commented in my report last time describing me as 'neat looking'. I guess presentation is important in this kind of meetings. I packed my lunch and some gym clothes for physio as well because I didn't know how long this would take and I had to go to Epworth for physio by 1.30 p.m.
This time, she didn't keep me waiting for too long like last time. I was surprised to find that John Olver, the rehab specialist from Epworth actually replied to her queries. Gavin told me John wouldn't write a report without asking him first but I guess he is wrong this time. I don't know what he wrote but I thought it's a bit inappropriate for me to ask to see the letter.
She asked me how have I been at work and how do I feel about my work hours. I couldn't tell her I'm still tired or I think it will really jepordise my postition at work so I told her I found it's good to have a routine and I'm getting more used to it now so I'm coping better. She pointed out that I work 4 to 5 hours at the office on Mondays and 2 to 3 hours at home on Thursdays. I told her that's right but I have been pushing myself to work 5 hours on Mondays and 3 hours on Thursdays because there is no point in going backwards. She said she knows I'm always trying to be an achiever. I don't know whether I was setting the right tone there but I thought it's probably better to project the image that I'm trying to work more hours. I told her that my goal is to get back to full time work eventually. She said based on the prognosis, it's most unlikely that I will be able to do that because of fatique. I told her prognosis is only based on statistics but everyone is different so it may not be true. I also told her that based on my own rehab experience, initially, they told me I may never be able to walk again or lift my left arm above my head but that has been proven wrong. It all depends on how hard you work. I don't think she likes that at all. Being a doctor, I guess she likes to tell people that the prognosis are always based on their 'expert experience' and therefore, they are never wrong. I really hated it when she kept saying most of the recoveries happen withinthe first 2 years and I have already past the 2 years mark so it's unlikely there will be significant recovery. There was no point in upsetting her or arguing with her because my aim is to delay working more hours as long as I can so I can have time to do my rehab. Isnt' it so wrong for the doctors to think that no significant recovery can occur after 2 years? I think I'm improving all the time and I know Gavin doesn't believe in that theory either.
She asked me how did I find the 5 hours work on Mondays. I told her I'm coping ok with that. She then asked me what do I normally do after work when I get home. I didn't want to tell her my normal routine when I get home on Monday is to prepare a 3 course meal and then go to 2 aerobics classes and be back in time to watch 'Desparate Housewives'. I told her I normally have a bit of rest and then I'd do chores. She asked me what kind of chores. I told her ' oh, just preparing some simple dinner'. I can never tell her what I really do on the Mondays such as getting up at 5.30 a.m. and go to the gym before I go to work and when I come home, I would spend a few hours preparing dinner before going to my classes.
She told me I will have to work at the office on Thursdays. I knew this was going to happen anyway but I was trying to pick a different day so I can keep Thursdays to see my massage therapist, Judy. It's going to be hard without my weekly massage. Unfortunately, it's really not up to me. I told her I might work on Tuesdays but based on her 'expert' opinion, I should stick to the Thursdays. She suggested that I work 4 hours at the office on Thursdays but I mangaged to pursuade her that I should start from 2 hours for a few weeks first. I'm not even sure if she will definitely recommend this in her report or will she stick to her original suggestion. I have to see her report to be sure. When I saw her last time, she said she was goint to suggest that I should be able to start work later to avoid peak hour traffic but the dumb bitch (excuse my language) didn't and she commented that I was very vague with certain dates. I'm upset because I don't think I was vague at all and it's just that she had to aplly her 'expert''common' knowledge that my memory was affected by the brain injury. I have decided that I really hate doctor - most doctors at least. Neurosurgeons are ok. They are not as dumb as the rehab specialists or occupational physicians.
Anyway, enough complaints. I was told that I will go back to see her again in November.
When I told Gavin about the news, he thought it's good news if she thinks I may never go back full time. He thought if that's the case then the pressure is off me. I was quite upset and told him off. I guess I have always been ambitious so the thought of not working full time sort of upset me. I know I'm the sort of person that always want my cake and eat it too.
I have to mentin it in the blog because every time I see many patients at Epworth, it just makes me realise that I'm so lucky that my arm doesn't look like theirs. I'm really very very grateful for Neil's and Rosemary's help. I think it's a shame that arms are often neglected in rehab.
I went to a Fitball class this morning. I met the instructor many weeks ago in Cardio Box class. She asked me what happened to my foot when she saw me wearing an ankle brace. I told her I had a stroke. I found out that she teaches Tai Box and fitball. She suggested that I try out the fitball class and knowing that I have to go to the office on Thursdays in future, I thought I should at least try it out when I still can. I must say it's one of the hardest classes I have ever been. After that embarrassing incient in Pilates class, I have been keeping away from those fitballs. This is the first time I tried since that day. I still had a lot of difficultiles staying balanced on the ball on my stomach but at least this time I didn't bounce off the ball.
I love going to different classes because I'm acquiring new skills all the time. Another thing that Bernadette mentioned is that I may find it difficult to learn new things.I suspect she is referring to my mental capacity but I know with pysical activities it may take me longer to learn than normal people but I know I can improve.
posted by Teresa Liu at 11:58 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home