10 November 2005
I have been feeling quite tired ever since my meeting at the office on Monday. In fact, I was so stressed out about returning to work and I couldn't sleep on Monday night. I have felt so anxious since I left chartered accounting firms. I was just worried if i go back to full time work I won't have time for rehabiliation. I was glad that I spoke to my GP about this right after the meeting because i think Alana tried to contact all the relevant people after the meeting. After speaking with my GP, she agreed to put me on 4 hours a day and one day per week for 2 weeks and then increase it to 2 days a week from the 3rd week. I have also contacted my case manager, Jo, about my concern when she mentioned that they're trying to get me back full time in 3 months. She said on average it takes people 3 months to return to full time work but it's ok if it takes me longer. They will be in contact with my doctor to work out what's the best for me. I feel a bit relieved after that.
I panicked so much on Monday so I also emailed Gavin to find out what's my physio plan for next year to see if my return to work plan will interfere. I was surprised that he replied straight away. He indicated that the plan is to wind down my physio to once a week and then once fortnightly over the next 3 months. He said I need to have a very good gym program so he's emailed to various people to organise it for me. When I went to physio on Tuesday, Ruth had a chat with me. She is a bit concerned that I have nobody to advocate for me in respect of returning to work. That's true and I always thought ATO Health and Safety or my case manager should be on my side but then again they might be acting for the employer rather than the employee. I was getting a bit suspicious after my Monday meeting. I found out about ATO Health and Safety from my insurance company. They found out the contact for me through an OT and advised me to get in touch with this person. Their agenda is obviously to get me to go back to work so they can reduce their cost. Tim thinks they are just trying to help but after what I have been through I don't think I'll trust anyone,especially not the insurance company. Ruth said they probably won't start reducing my physio until early next year. She also set up a home exercise program for me to work on my hips and abs. She said it's difficult for me to run because I can't lift up my left leg high enough and it's because of weakness in my hip flexors. She is going to contact the Melbourne Uni gym manager for me to see if I can bring my own personal trainer - the one that Gavin recommends.
I just discovered something very odd on the weekend. I remember last year I attended a series of upper limb sessions at MECRS and they talked about sensory retraining in one of the sessions. Apparently it's common for people who had sensory loss in their hands, they also loose the ability to tell the tempature. The first thing I did after I got home from the session was to test whether I could feel the tempature by dipping my hand in cold and then in hot water. I was glad to find out that I could. I never thought about this until on Saturday I cut up some pineapple for Lillian. The pineapple had been in the fridge so it's cold. When she picked up a piece, she obviously felt the cold but didn't know what it is. We have taught her about hot so she doesn't burn herself in the bath - if she thinks the bath is too hot she'd let us know. We haven't taught her about cold so she obviously felt the tempature but didn't know what it was. I think this also proves that senses are in a way, learnt. I picked up a piece of pineapple with my left hand and told her it's not hot, it's cold. I just realised at this point that I couldn't actually feel the cold in my finger tips. I was so shocked and started trying different spot and found out that I couldn't feel the cold with my finger tips but I could feel it on the back of my fingers. Maybe that's how I could feel the tempature by dipping my hand in the water. I don't know what this means in terms of my chance of full recovery. I also tested out with a hot cup of tea and found that I could definitely tell something is hot from the finger tips.
I went to MECRS to see Dale, the social worker, this morning. I saw him a few months ago at the carpark of Bakly Square and told him I'd drop in to say hello but he was still on long service leave and was due back in October. I have forgotten about this until yesterday and so I called him and told him I'd drop by on my way to Barkly Square. I parked right outside the hydro pool - somewhere I used to park when I attended the self-help hydro group. There is a staircase that leads to the building where Dale's office is but I've never been that way before. It felt very strange to be there again but this time just a visitor, not a patient. I was a bit worried that I might bump into some people I don't want to see. Fortunately, I didn't see any of them. Dale was still busy when I turned up at the door so he grabbed a chair and told me to sit down for a while. I didn't recognise anyone else in that office but I guess the OT and the physio in the home based team tend to rotate after a few months. On our way to the cafe, Dale said he'd go and let Kerry know that I'm here. Kerry is the OT who helped me when I first got home. She was the one that took me on my first grocery shopping trip after my operation. She was really surprised to see me. Both of them were commenting on how much taller I look now. Dale explained that I seem to be standing taller and straighter and also walking taller. I wonder if it has anything to do with the walking stick. I may have leaned on the stick too much in the past and that made me look shorter. Dale mentioned that Fary (the rehab specialist) said hello to me and Tim. He must have told her about my visit. That's nice of her but I'm not sure if I'm ready to say hello back. I still have a lot of anger over how I was treated there. Dale suggested that we take a short cut to the cafe - I have seen the physios going that way to get coffees but I've never ventured out that way myself. It's a narrow stairway with rails on the left. I had to use the wall for balance when I was going down. I know I could go down even without touching the wall with the finger tips of my right hand but it's a bit quicker and safer when i do. Even so,they were both so impressed by this. I guess when I first left MECRS back in March I was still using the walking stick and that's how they remember me. After the stairs, there is this uneven ground off the footpath that leads to the cafe. No wonder I've never been that way, it would have been too difficult for me. Dale reminded what I was like when he took me to CERES for the first time - even with a stick, I was very scared by the uneven ground. When we sat down, Dale mentioned I'm a good study for the ward. I didn't understand what he meant. He said they had a lot of problem dealing with me but he thinks they should be able to deal with any kind of people. Apparently they had problem with me because they felt I didn't tell them everything. I told Dale it's not in my nature to be blunt so even when I was unhappy I didn't tell them. Apparently, they didn't know how to deal with that. That episode just seemed so far away from me now. As we were talking, Dale said he noticed that my hand is recovering really well because as I was talking, I was using it more. That's interesting, I didn't know I was using my left hand gesturing. I guess that must be a good sign. He asked me if i have an exercise program for the hand at Epworth. I told him I have been mainly working on high mobility stuff such as running. He's surprised that my hand improved even without a program. I guess I have been using my hand a lot more these days - typing up the blog, cooking gourment meals such as wrapping up various ingredients with proscuittos and sometimes I pick up things from supermarket shelves with my left hand. I told him my biggest problem at the moment is not being able to look after Lillian such as taking her to or picking her up from the childcare and I wish there is an OT who can help me learn to do this. He said he can enquire for me to see if I can have physio at Epworth but still access their service. He said there is some change to the funding system so they may be able to do this for me.
I panicked so much on Monday so I also emailed Gavin to find out what's my physio plan for next year to see if my return to work plan will interfere. I was surprised that he replied straight away. He indicated that the plan is to wind down my physio to once a week and then once fortnightly over the next 3 months. He said I need to have a very good gym program so he's emailed to various people to organise it for me. When I went to physio on Tuesday, Ruth had a chat with me. She is a bit concerned that I have nobody to advocate for me in respect of returning to work. That's true and I always thought ATO Health and Safety or my case manager should be on my side but then again they might be acting for the employer rather than the employee. I was getting a bit suspicious after my Monday meeting. I found out about ATO Health and Safety from my insurance company. They found out the contact for me through an OT and advised me to get in touch with this person. Their agenda is obviously to get me to go back to work so they can reduce their cost. Tim thinks they are just trying to help but after what I have been through I don't think I'll trust anyone,especially not the insurance company. Ruth said they probably won't start reducing my physio until early next year. She also set up a home exercise program for me to work on my hips and abs. She said it's difficult for me to run because I can't lift up my left leg high enough and it's because of weakness in my hip flexors. She is going to contact the Melbourne Uni gym manager for me to see if I can bring my own personal trainer - the one that Gavin recommends.
I just discovered something very odd on the weekend. I remember last year I attended a series of upper limb sessions at MECRS and they talked about sensory retraining in one of the sessions. Apparently it's common for people who had sensory loss in their hands, they also loose the ability to tell the tempature. The first thing I did after I got home from the session was to test whether I could feel the tempature by dipping my hand in cold and then in hot water. I was glad to find out that I could. I never thought about this until on Saturday I cut up some pineapple for Lillian. The pineapple had been in the fridge so it's cold. When she picked up a piece, she obviously felt the cold but didn't know what it is. We have taught her about hot so she doesn't burn herself in the bath - if she thinks the bath is too hot she'd let us know. We haven't taught her about cold so she obviously felt the tempature but didn't know what it was. I think this also proves that senses are in a way, learnt. I picked up a piece of pineapple with my left hand and told her it's not hot, it's cold. I just realised at this point that I couldn't actually feel the cold in my finger tips. I was so shocked and started trying different spot and found out that I couldn't feel the cold with my finger tips but I could feel it on the back of my fingers. Maybe that's how I could feel the tempature by dipping my hand in the water. I don't know what this means in terms of my chance of full recovery. I also tested out with a hot cup of tea and found that I could definitely tell something is hot from the finger tips.
I went to MECRS to see Dale, the social worker, this morning. I saw him a few months ago at the carpark of Bakly Square and told him I'd drop in to say hello but he was still on long service leave and was due back in October. I have forgotten about this until yesterday and so I called him and told him I'd drop by on my way to Barkly Square. I parked right outside the hydro pool - somewhere I used to park when I attended the self-help hydro group. There is a staircase that leads to the building where Dale's office is but I've never been that way before. It felt very strange to be there again but this time just a visitor, not a patient. I was a bit worried that I might bump into some people I don't want to see. Fortunately, I didn't see any of them. Dale was still busy when I turned up at the door so he grabbed a chair and told me to sit down for a while. I didn't recognise anyone else in that office but I guess the OT and the physio in the home based team tend to rotate after a few months. On our way to the cafe, Dale said he'd go and let Kerry know that I'm here. Kerry is the OT who helped me when I first got home. She was the one that took me on my first grocery shopping trip after my operation. She was really surprised to see me. Both of them were commenting on how much taller I look now. Dale explained that I seem to be standing taller and straighter and also walking taller. I wonder if it has anything to do with the walking stick. I may have leaned on the stick too much in the past and that made me look shorter. Dale mentioned that Fary (the rehab specialist) said hello to me and Tim. He must have told her about my visit. That's nice of her but I'm not sure if I'm ready to say hello back. I still have a lot of anger over how I was treated there. Dale suggested that we take a short cut to the cafe - I have seen the physios going that way to get coffees but I've never ventured out that way myself. It's a narrow stairway with rails on the left. I had to use the wall for balance when I was going down. I know I could go down even without touching the wall with the finger tips of my right hand but it's a bit quicker and safer when i do. Even so,they were both so impressed by this. I guess when I first left MECRS back in March I was still using the walking stick and that's how they remember me. After the stairs, there is this uneven ground off the footpath that leads to the cafe. No wonder I've never been that way, it would have been too difficult for me. Dale reminded what I was like when he took me to CERES for the first time - even with a stick, I was very scared by the uneven ground. When we sat down, Dale mentioned I'm a good study for the ward. I didn't understand what he meant. He said they had a lot of problem dealing with me but he thinks they should be able to deal with any kind of people. Apparently they had problem with me because they felt I didn't tell them everything. I told Dale it's not in my nature to be blunt so even when I was unhappy I didn't tell them. Apparently, they didn't know how to deal with that. That episode just seemed so far away from me now. As we were talking, Dale said he noticed that my hand is recovering really well because as I was talking, I was using it more. That's interesting, I didn't know I was using my left hand gesturing. I guess that must be a good sign. He asked me if i have an exercise program for the hand at Epworth. I told him I have been mainly working on high mobility stuff such as running. He's surprised that my hand improved even without a program. I guess I have been using my hand a lot more these days - typing up the blog, cooking gourment meals such as wrapping up various ingredients with proscuittos and sometimes I pick up things from supermarket shelves with my left hand. I told him my biggest problem at the moment is not being able to look after Lillian such as taking her to or picking her up from the childcare and I wish there is an OT who can help me learn to do this. He said he can enquire for me to see if I can have physio at Epworth but still access their service. He said there is some change to the funding system so they may be able to do this for me.
posted by Teresa Liu at 9:10 PM
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