4 October 2005
I had my last session of hydro at MECRS this morning. I don’t think it matters much whether I have hydro or not but I like the warm water and it’s always good to check out my inversion in the water. If I want to swim, I think I’ll have to find another hydro pool elsewhere because Judy told me that she’s worried that I might give my muscles a shock if I go to a normal lap pool as the water is much cooler.
I had personal training in the afternoon but it was a bit disappointing. Mary said she is very tired today because she woke up at 3 a.m. When I heard this I thought “Oh, no. Don’t tell me it’s one of those ‘push the personal trainers’ sessions”. The only machine Mary got me to use was the leg press. She was trying to get me to push through my heel instead of fore foot but in doing so, somehow it made the exercise much easier for me so I didn’t feel I had done much work. It was all downhill from that point on. She tried other exercises for me but I didn’t feel anything in the targeted muscle groups at all. She couldn’t figure out why this happens because she said when I did the same exercises I actually felt it in the right muscle groups. I told her that it’s possible that my muscles have become much stronger now and I need harder exercises to feel the muscles have been worked. She said she’ll try to set harder exercises for me next time. I think it’s very hard for me to think that she is a good personal trainer after what Gavin said. Tim thinks a personal trainer’s job is to push me hard so I’ll be working harder than I would otherwise. I think that’s pretty hard to achieve these days because these days I don’t feel anyone push me very hard, not even Gavin. I think he doesn’t do that because he knows I’m motivated enough to do my exercises at home. I think he tends to push me to overcome my fears such as in the beginning, walking without my stick and now, walking up and down the stairs without holding onto the rails. Another client of Mary’s who I usually see before my Tuesday session, thinks Mary pushes her really hard and often tells me how hard Mary drives her. I’m not sure if she knows what she’s talking about. When I saw her yesterday, she started going on about how pushy Mary is and she thinks Mary is less pushy to me because of my condition. I was very tempted to tell her that she’s got no idea what pushiness is. If she thinks Mary is bad, wait till she meets Gavin. However, I tend to agree with her on the second point. I suspect Mary is a bit worried about my condition and doesn’t drive me as hard.
I met up with Neil after my session with Mary and he walked me home. One thing I mentioned to him and he said I should put in my blog is that I think these days I feel a lot better about myself . There was one stage that I wished I never had the operation even though without it I would probably be dead by now. I always thought living like this is a life not worth living and for a long time I had been quite ungrateful in thinking that I’m better off dead. I didn’t always look like this and I hated the way people stared at me when I walk. The only thing that kept me going is probably Lillian – knowing that she needs a mother and I have to keep alive just for her. I told Neil that I haven’t been feeling like that for a while now. I don’t know if it’s because I’m more used to the way I look now and people staring or it’s because I’m getting a lot better than before and although I still have a long way to go but I can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.
I had personal training in the afternoon but it was a bit disappointing. Mary said she is very tired today because she woke up at 3 a.m. When I heard this I thought “Oh, no. Don’t tell me it’s one of those ‘push the personal trainers’ sessions”. The only machine Mary got me to use was the leg press. She was trying to get me to push through my heel instead of fore foot but in doing so, somehow it made the exercise much easier for me so I didn’t feel I had done much work. It was all downhill from that point on. She tried other exercises for me but I didn’t feel anything in the targeted muscle groups at all. She couldn’t figure out why this happens because she said when I did the same exercises I actually felt it in the right muscle groups. I told her that it’s possible that my muscles have become much stronger now and I need harder exercises to feel the muscles have been worked. She said she’ll try to set harder exercises for me next time. I think it’s very hard for me to think that she is a good personal trainer after what Gavin said. Tim thinks a personal trainer’s job is to push me hard so I’ll be working harder than I would otherwise. I think that’s pretty hard to achieve these days because these days I don’t feel anyone push me very hard, not even Gavin. I think he doesn’t do that because he knows I’m motivated enough to do my exercises at home. I think he tends to push me to overcome my fears such as in the beginning, walking without my stick and now, walking up and down the stairs without holding onto the rails. Another client of Mary’s who I usually see before my Tuesday session, thinks Mary pushes her really hard and often tells me how hard Mary drives her. I’m not sure if she knows what she’s talking about. When I saw her yesterday, she started going on about how pushy Mary is and she thinks Mary is less pushy to me because of my condition. I was very tempted to tell her that she’s got no idea what pushiness is. If she thinks Mary is bad, wait till she meets Gavin. However, I tend to agree with her on the second point. I suspect Mary is a bit worried about my condition and doesn’t drive me as hard.
I met up with Neil after my session with Mary and he walked me home. One thing I mentioned to him and he said I should put in my blog is that I think these days I feel a lot better about myself . There was one stage that I wished I never had the operation even though without it I would probably be dead by now. I always thought living like this is a life not worth living and for a long time I had been quite ungrateful in thinking that I’m better off dead. I didn’t always look like this and I hated the way people stared at me when I walk. The only thing that kept me going is probably Lillian – knowing that she needs a mother and I have to keep alive just for her. I told Neil that I haven’t been feeling like that for a while now. I don’t know if it’s because I’m more used to the way I look now and people staring or it’s because I’m getting a lot better than before and although I still have a long way to go but I can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.
posted by Teresa Liu at 12:12 AM
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